I think there are two ways to handle the anniversary. You could either do nothing at all...no card, no gift, no acknowledgement or you could get a gift. I don't say, just a card, because I think it's pursuing (as is a gift), but it's also a very minimal effort. Either the anniversay means something to you or it doesn't. So I gave you two choices....which would I recommend? That depends on you and your relationship with the W. If you're in situation hopeless, then I'm of the mind that it doesn't really matter how it's perceived/taken by your W. You can't do much more harm. You can give a gift and card (with the words suggested already that say you are happy that you got to share in a portion of her life) without expectations of anything good coming of it (best to maybe do this from afar....don't drop it off personally). Sure, it will likely be seen as pursuit, but if you're doing it because you care about her and this occasion, then don't worry about it. If you choose to do nothing then you aren't pursuing, but you also are saying you are on the same page as your W about the importance of the marriage.
What did I do? I was already divorced by my anniversary so there wasn't much point. I sent an e-mail. I did give gifts for other occasions like her b-day and Xmas.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
