Aud, What do I want to be???? I want to feel important or at the very least pertinent. I know for a fact that when I step on soil I leave an imprint....now if I can step in others peoples lives and even more importantly mine, I would like to do the same. I don't need a lot of money, don't care much about prestige...but when I speak, or do the most innate thing, I want it to mean something.
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Sorry if I'm totally off base, but I don't think sobriety is the issue here...it's your sense of helplesness in changing/lessening the chaos swirling around you.
offbase? Hardly. This is the stem of my predicament. I have come to the point that I will not try to control it, I will just find the nearest tourniquet to halt some of the bleeding. I think you correctly put into words what I am feeling about sobriety...thank you for thinking for me and expressing my opinions better than myself.
Anyways, with that off my chest. My home has become a fertile ground of teenage angst, toddler turmoil, medical maladies and a head cold that wont release it's grip. My W is still staying late every night as more and more responsibilities of her new job accumulate. I have decided to let it be. She rants and raves howe much pressure she is going through and low and behold I have a FULL time job and then as soon as I walk in the door I also have to keep the house up, monitor homework with a scrupulous eye to make sure each child is on the up and up, pay all the bills and ensure that the little ones demanding mouth gets fed. (that sounds bad, but I need a little feeding myself) I am tearing up the "strategies" and getting back to basics...time to GAL... On sat a guy at AA decided he would take over my duties, but it would be a week later than I wanted. That was fine for me and I feel a little of the weight released. My tues meeting is tonight and I will be there no matter what. I told my W that I am going tonight so please get home somewhat reasonable time...I know work priorities(I really do) but it stems on the inconsiderate when she could go into work early instead of staying later... My W has been acting somewhat "cool" and the kids are been hostile but I will so what I need to do....I have an interview today not really I job I want, and pays a little better but the more important thing is that it gets me out of the "stewing cauldron" in which I boil at my current workplace.
So there you are....."as if" my way through this thread...peace
