More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

No, she wasn't ready to end the discussion. She called me into the kitchen and told me she ended the relationship with the OM last night. She also said that she's not sure that she can stick with that decision.

Complete silence for the next couple of minutes. She then said "I am absolutely miserable." I told her that she doesn't need to keep telling me this as she has made it abundantly clear in the past. As much as I'm not allowed to remind her that I love her, I wish she wouldn't keep throwing that one in my face.

I told her that she didn't appear to be absolutely miserable before the beginning of the summer. She said that's because she wasn't in love with someone else before the beginning of the summer.

!!!

My only comment to that was "And that's the point I've been trying to make all along." She said "I know, you're right."

A while back I found a link online regarding the catalyst of an online affair and my wife's scenario has been a text book example (if you consider this link a "text book"):

http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/onlineaffair/

She followed the link and told me that she could understand how I might feel that this was what happened but it didn't apply in her case. In the end, I guess it does apply. It is as if someone had been taking notes while her relationship with OM blossomed.

I asked her why she decided to end the relationship with OM. She said she had to because it was too difficult to not speak with him - she said she would not pursue any relationships while she was living in the house. I told her that I will not be held responsible for her feelings of misery and that if she needs to continue contacting him, she should.

I know that he is trying to back off anyway. At this point, however, if he doesn't back off and he allows this relationship to grow, there's nothing I can do about it. She's not happy in my relationship so what can I do? I have to let her go.

She told me that she doesn't know what the right decision is anymore. I had a conference call to get to so my final comment to her before going down to my office was that she shouldn't try to go through this alone. She should talk to someone, a friend or friends. Not so they can provide the answer but so she can hopefully start to make sense of things - whatever "sense" is.

She said there is no one that she wants to talk to.

A few weeks ago, when she first attempted to end the relationship, I tried to help her through the pain and emotions she was enduring. I flat out told her that any advice I give her may be biased and therefore she might want to get a second opinion. This time, I am listening and being supportive but aside from the few suggestions I've already made, not sure what more I can do.

To see her in pain right now is killing me. I wanted to give her a hug but she's just not interested. Also not sure what after affects it would have on me. She feels that it is because of me that she is in so much pain. She resents me for her inability to be with the OM.

I'm fairly certain she will be moving out soon - possibly today.