More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

Wow, thanks Theo. That is it in a nutshell!

So, we had a discussion this morning... This morning, during my daily conference call, seh was hovering. I knew that something was up. After the call, I asked her if she had something on her mind and she admitted there was a lot on her mind.

She has been looking for a job in order to support her move out of the house. She said the job search isn't going well and she's not sure what to do next.

I recommended we re-purpose one of the rooms downstairs so she could have her own "place" - this is something we discussed in the past. She replied "So you can support me while I finish my degree? Somehow that would seem like taking advantage of you."

I then recommended that maybe she take some time and move to her mother's - even if it's only for a few weeks. Take some time to clear her mind and really think about what she needs and wants. She said that she had thought about that too. Maybe move in there for the next couple of years, get a part time job and work on finishing her degree.

She then looked at me and said "I'm not in love with you. I am staying for the kids and that's just not right. I don't want to live in a loveless marriage."

I agreed but also brought up the fact that love and marriage are like a machine - you need to keep fueling them. I know she is not at all confident that she could ever find love for me again but I'm still hopeful. I can't push it though. At this point all I can do is hope that she sees something "here" sometime in the future.

She got a taste of that heart-thumping, romance gushing experience of a new relationship and, unfortunately, our marriage paled in comparison. I guess due to neglect, our relationship seems very mundane and boring.

I recommended that she go out and try to reconnect with some of the friends she has let fall by the wayside (not in those words). To become involved in activities outside the home. I also recommended individual counselling in order to help her sort out her feelings and try to find herself. I'm not sure she will go for that but I honestly believe it's something worth trying. Sometimes I think she has a fear of self-discovery.

She just ran out to drop off my son's permission slip. When she comes back, not sure if we're going to continue this discussion or not.

No chance of working out our issues in this discussion but hopefully this will at least be a step towards her realizing (remembering?) some of the good that has come from our marriage - understanding and support.