LWB- Sounds like we both had equally enjoyable summers. I too am sorry you are here, but thank you for the response. The privacy thing is wierd. I still feel like I'm being unfair about what all I expect there, but at the same time, I don't think she realizes the magnitude of openness and accountability that this will require. I'm sure snooping does nothing to 'win' the spouse back, and even hurts the chances; I guess once I feel I have complete honesty, maybe that urge will fade. But, like Trying said, I have nothing to hide, she could dig through anything of mine she wants.
I am resolved to getting back to the Dad I was. Go see the counsellor, and see where things are headed. We have a family trip this weekend so we'll se how that goes as well.
Don't ya want to put something for them to find sometimes> I know it is being bad but.... Like I wonder what is going throgh my W mind when she see's I have called NY. (Theo).
I almost want to find a phone booth number that I can call everyday just so the number shows up on our bill. Bad Boy aren't I..
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I think they get so upset about the snooping because they KNOW they are in the wrong but are trying to deflect some of the guilt back. Don't take it personally but tyr not to snoop from now on to rebuild trust - and that does take a long time.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saffie is right. I took me a while to figure this out. Even when you do find things you don't know the facts behind them. If ya see your W called the OM how do you know it was not to break up?
It's best to just let go of the things you can not control
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Even though I know what you are saying is true, easier said than done (as I know you are aware). I'll be doing my best to get away from those old ways. I didn't enjoy them much anyway. But at this point they seem like a part of daily life, along with that pit in my stomach.
I understand that but what is the point. You have found out what you need to and it is just another irritant.
My H had a full blown A. I don't bother checking up on him. What hurts more than him having the A is the fact that he had a NEEDED to have an A. That's where my attention went - I had to help him get rid of that need to stop him wanting an A. Lets face it they can do something like that at any time - we can't stop them if they want to - we have to stop them wanting to and that takes up a lot of energy; all the energy and MORE that has been used on snooping.
To be fair - I am not a good snoop - my H had been laying a trail for me to find out about his A and I never did. He told me in the end!!! So snooping isn't my forte. I don't understand why, either, because I can be very devious when I want to be and I am a worrier, but YAY!!!, I have discovered today I am not a snooper!!! They say you learn something new every day
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
If you want your M to work you need to keep a positive attitude around your W. after all you would not want to be around someone that is pisssed all of the time right? So snooping will get you no where. You already know what you need to know she had/is having and A. Now work on yourself. Snooping and finding more things out will put you in a bad mood which in turn will put your W in a bad mood and possibly make her want to be with the OM who is in a better mood.
Understand??
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, you are correct, and I know this.. maybe it's the self pity, but it's hard to be in a good mood. It eats at me constantly, and by pretending to be in a good mood it feels like we are just letting it be water under the bridge. I need some closure on some of it before just letting it slip away - does that make any sense? Can I still be in a good mood, happy, and expect I'll ever get the closure I need. Or do I just need to move on, and forget about getting this closure? I don't know that I can do that. The snooping will stop, working on weaning off :), but the mood is a whole separate beast. I don't just mope around feeling sorry for myself, but I do experience quite a range of emotion and it's hard to keep that level.
Thanks for the words of advice/encouragement - unfortunately for you, you all know better than I do at this point. I'm just trying to figure it all out.
Hey we all know the same thing. What works in OUR OWN situation? What works for me may not work for you. But getting back to the moods. I don't have time now but later I can give ya some advice on this. Ask anyone here I go though the whole range myself but I am controlling them better. NODODY PUTS YOU IN A BAD MOOD. You do it to yourself. It is a hard thing to master but it is so true. Listen to a sad song and bam you are sad. Listen to a happy song and bam you feel better. Do you know it is impossible to be in a bad / sad move and laugh at the same time? This is fact. Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
