Really good advice here on nc. Like all of us here I was shell shocked post bomb, but the one thing I immediately realised was that my h had left the planet. All I got was self-justifying, mean alien talk, and I never wanted to expose myself to that.

About 6 weeks post bomb I called and told my h excatly what I thought of his behaviour [my spew, I suppose], and since then, on the relatively rare occasions that he called I was pleasant. I called him about 4 months post bomb, and told him I still loved him, but since then I have taken contact from him as it came. [Infrequent, and when he either wanted someting or wanted to spew]

Unless you are getting very positive signs, I would suggest never initiate contact. They do mind, they do notice, but they are relived at not having to deal with you. [IMO]

For those with kids where you do have to have contact, it is hard, because they are non-rational, they do not keep to 'the rules'.
Do they actually want to hurt us? Well, I thought so, and then thought I was paranoid, but I have come to think that some of them at any rate do want to hurt us, because they are hurting so much. Sharing the pain around.

Some of these people are definitely 'nicer' in their MLC than others. My h, a lovely gentle guy has been particularly spiteful and vitriolic, but I realise [thanks to Mickey's insight] that there is so much repressed anger. My h is one of the older MLCers and he has been holding in anger behind a plastered on smile for a very looong time, and it is all coming out. I believe that I am currently gettng the 'deep levels' - because after two years he is getting worse!! hope so. COuld it get worse? Probably, but I think he would have to fire bomb the apartment.

So what I am saying is that there is little to be gained in initiating contact, and much to be gained for your peace of mind in staying out of it. If you want to reconcile, perhaps it is better to have heard less, rather than more alien spew. There is also the possibility that they may take it out on someone else [shock horror, the OW, if they can't spew at you. Just a thought]

I wish we weren't here, discussing this thread.

Hugs to all of us who are here, and have been here. A