I'm seeing light, now what?

[RedHeadWife]

I think you're right. We, as the LBS's, could honestly keep a lot of resentment over what our spouses have done, not just to us, but to our children, our entire lives, our outlook on life, etc., but I continue to try to look at it positively.

If the D sitch had NOT happened, where would we be now. If things had continued the way they were and H had not said "enough" when he did, would it then have been too late to turn things around?

Yes, our spouses could have certainly handled things differently and they could have even done things to improve the M or communiated how unhappy they were earlier so that it never even got to the point of the D sitch, however, I don't know that we as the LBS's would have seen how serious it really was.

I know in my sitch, H probably did try at times to communicate his unhappiness, however, not obviously often enough over the YEARS that the problems/issues continued to build, but I wasn't ready to *hear* it maybe or even ready to *DO* anything about it.

Until I realized how serious it was, as sad as that is, would I have made the changes I have? Would we be where we are today? Would the *new* M we are rebuilding w/ our spouses be as wonderful as they have the potential to be?

I always wondered what was going on in H's mind as well. How from day to day, he could decide to stay and then turn around and be so very angry w/ me again and decide he could not stay no matter what.

I think our *mission* is partially to make sure we live on that fine line between remembering the lessons we've learned, continuing to work on ourselves and making ourselves happy, therefore our relationships happy, and not *dwelling* on the HUGE negatives of the sitch we went through.