There and Back, #10

[SallyM]

thanks all.

neph, it was hard to ask, but I did it. will see how that goes. still keeping social lives quiet. its funny, though, because he thinks he knows stuff about my life...from grabbing my phone the other day, he knows I'm in communication with a couple of guys he doesn't know. he thinks something is up with that. I know better. I never said I was dating anyone, he just assumes. and I'm sure there is a lot of stuff I fire off at him that isn't right...so again, need to stop the assuming. although yeah, I know he and ow are together. but wonder if things aren't all sunshine and roses. starting to get that more and more.

FLTC, thanks for going back and reading my first. I just did that...wow, I remember the pain I was in. the desperation I felt. I have come a long way since then. not that I don't have pain, I do, but wow, time changes things a bit. its not a constant at least. and I know now more than I did then that I will be okay, no matter what happens. just wish the kids didn't have to deal with it, too. because that is sooo not right. as easy as H and I try to make it for them, it isn't. nothing but having daddy home and mommy and daddy happy again would make it be what they want it to be.

this has to be so hard for you, being over in iraq. what an awful thing to deal with while being in an awful place. take care of yourself. and can I just say, I love the paint yellowing analogy. love it. its perfect.

mk, the reason I set up the shoot was because I wanted pics of them and of me with them...and I wanted to say to myself that we are a family, even if H isn't gone. that's why I keep plugging away with stuff like decorating for fall and halloween and all that stuff. stuff I so miss H around for, but at the same time I'm not going to wait around for him for it. I could see the paralysis and how easily it could come, but I'm not going to succumb to it. we are a family, with or without him.

S3 is coughing again today. he did yesterday morning, but it stopped. has started up again today. exactly like H used to be as a kid, apparently. ugh. need to see how he does as to whether I send him to school or not. he'll be sooo bummed to miss it, but I don't want to send him sick. at the same time, H used to get a cough like this that lasted for a month or so at times...coughed in the morning, was fine by mid morning. will figure it out.

H is coming tonight. going to do some neglected housework (it was too nice out yesterday!) and make sure the house looks good. going to think calmblueocean and going to ask again how his day was. then I'm heading to the gym while he is here. not to avoid him, but because i really want the w/o and don't have time this morning.