Now I've done it...again #5

[nephartiti]

Please don't ask why I am up at 2:00 AM. I don't know the answer, but I believe in taking responsibility and apologizing when you are in the wrong. So I called H. He surprisingly answered. I apologized for today. Tried to explain where I am coming from without blaming him-used a bunch of I statements, etc. I said that I am still angry and have a lot of resentment about the situation. I am angry because I am hurt. I want to let go. I am trying to let go and move on so that I can provide a happy home for the children. I am doing the best I can. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I know it does not excuse my behavior, but I am trying, and I am sorry. I know things are hard for him too.

I lost network and we got disconnected. When I called back, he didn't answer. ouch. I was basically done anyway, but still. ouch. Guess I kind of deserve it. I said my piece. Now I just have to let it lay and deal with whatever comes next.

I know. I pursued with the fight. Now I pursued with an apology. I'm such a DB failure. I'm afraid I've helped pushed us to a point of no return. I know I'm feeling hopeless. I am trying so hard to let go of my hurt of betrayal. It just keeps eating away at me. I want to forgive. I really do. I just don't know if I can. How do I do this? Where are the instructions to do this? I can only 'act' so much. How do you do it for real?