As a member of this club, you are NEVER going to make her happy, until(And if) she is ever ready to do that. It's like whack-a-mole. As soon as you think you've addressed an issue, another oblique or unrelated one will crop up. There is not rhyhme or reason to it. I believe it's all a smokescreen for hurt, disappointment, frustration with herself and the situation. No on leaves 3 kids and has 2 EAs if they're rational.
You therefore, can have NO EXPECTATIONS of rational responses. Be the best person you can be, the most supportive you can be, setting clear boundaries, which is tough with an irrational person.
You will be in your best frame of mind if you can get to the point where you can accept that it may be over, and try and move on. Anything else will be gravy. When I gave her contempt and anger back, it didn't stop the anger, it made it more irrational and vitriolic.
