More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

I have learned that the OM has removed my wife from his "friends" list in the game. While this isn't exactly ending the relationship, I believe it has sent her a signal. She has been VERY irritable this evening towards me and, sadly enough, towards the kids. Nothing nasty, just short-tempered.

So the 4 of us kept ourselves busy and let her get back to her on-line game. I still cringe when I say that - it's just a game. I guess I need to admit that she got sucked into the game so many months ago because something about our marriage left her susceptible to it. What gets me is how she put all of her focus on the game instead of us (or at least the kids). Anyway, I'm not here to rehash that one.

It is clear to me that my wife has not read DR as she is exhibiting the normal, desperate signs that come so natural to some of us that have been left behind (I've already hidden my copy of the book!)

Initially she pushed and pleaded with him to explain why he had become so distant. Her new tactic is to act forlorn and sullen whenever he is "around". She leaves him comments (in game still) about how she's feeling - nothing relationship related, but just how she's feeling in general (sad, cranky, confused, etc.) His response was "need to get yourself one of those "sh*t happens t-shirts". While I don't agree that this is the way to end a NORMAL relationship, this does appear to be the OM's way of doing it. Crazy as it sounds, I don't want to see her get hurt - which is something I tried telling her very early on in our sitch. However, beggars can't be choosers...

I'm not exactly thrilled at the moment, believe it or not, because I know 1) life around here is going to be edgy for a while and 2) I know that the reason it's edgy is because she misses her fantasy man. Taking the advice of em (thanks again), I'm going to need to be the adult here. As long as I continue with my plan, I should have a chance at making this work. This is the perfect time for me to really focus on GAL'ing.

I know that if/when that relationship ends, by no means is it a sign that things are going to turn around for US. She has brewed up a barrel of resentment over these past few months and she's been swiggin' from that thing an awful lot lately! I see the OM as just one of many obstacles in our road ahead.

Final note (or book) regarding this evening: Not sure if I mentioned this before but I bought the game software for myself and started my own account. The only purpose for this was because early in our sitch, she mentioned that it would help rebuild a connection between us. In hindsight, I think she may have been trying to simply get me off her back or worse, hook up with someone on-line!!

I was on the game tonight and spoke with one of her closest on-line friends. The friend told me that she was concerned about W's behavior as she seems to become attached to the characters (or "toons") very easily and allows those feelings to transfer to the real people behind the toons. This is what happened with the OM. There have been 2 other men (yep, 2) that she has formed a special connection with. I am not terribly concerned about that fact because she has begun pushing 1 away and the other has no interest in a relationship (I have that from a very reliable source). I am concerned, of course, that this very well could be a continuing issue.

The friend also stated that this looks like gaming addiction and has offered to help in any way she can. Prior to speaking to me, she was not aware of our true living arrangements nor the fact that the EA/OA started months before we separated.

She made a comment to my wife on Saturday night (sushi night) "recommending" that she go out for a fling. My wife said that it sounded like a good idea! The friend did try to back-pedal and let her know that it would in fact be a very BAD idea - for many reasons. The friend apologized to me for it tonight (I had no clue the conversation evern occurred). She wasn't aware of our true sitch and she certainly didn't think my wife would consider it as an option.

If nothing else, I feel a little better knowing that I have an ally of sorts in the game with my wife. I won't ask her to do or say anything on my behalf. All I can hope is that she will choose her words with a little more care now that she knows what has been going on. Aside from the "fling" comment, she was also instrumental in encouraging my wife to try and work things out with OM. Again, she apologized for this. I cannot hold a grudge against her at all for this because she was simply basing the friendly encouragement on the information she had been given.

There are concerns, of course, that my wife may find out about the discussion. While this was in no way underhanded, I'm sure you can imagine the kind of reaction I would get.