I took my kids to Seaworld in San Diego this last weekend (just before half of the state caught on fire). It was for my daughter's ninth birthday. Of course, it gave the W a chance to be with the OM all weekend. I dropped my daughter off at the house Sunday afternoon, with his car in the driveway. I still hate that.
I'm getting better though. I'm smiling and laughing more, even when talking to the W. I think it drives her a little (more) nuts. I found out she told her brother that she feels guilty now about me, loves me and misses her best friend (though prefacing that with how great the OM is and how she still thinks she's doing the right thing). Also, at our last mediator session a couple of weeks ago, she said out of the blue that we had had a really great family, that we were a unit, but now we are split in two.
Sounds to me that her walls are eroding and that feelings of guilt and loss are starting to leak in. This is not to mention her biggest source of guilt: the loss of her son who is living with me, hates the OM, and wants to see his mom as little as possible. (he won't even sit in the front seat of her new used BMW because he knows who else has been sitting there and he doesn't want to catch any "butth**e germs", as he puts it. She can't figure out why he won't sit there and neither he nor I will tell her. Because of her empathy bypass, she just chalks it up to teenage attitude.)
Who knows where it will all lead. She's been pretty good at repairing the walls in the past. Still, it's been four months since the affair came into the light, so it's possible that the drug high is wearing off and the "six-month" clock is ticking. In the meantime, I continue to GAL and to work on detaching.
L
M 63 W 40 M 4/91 S14/D9 bomb 7/6/07 D filed 8/3/07 final 2/4/08 thread
