22 years and no communication

[Goingdownhill]

Hi there,

I can't believe I found this site and Michelle's books. Somehow I entered the right google search on saving my marriage versus the rest of what is out there. Having spent endless nights reading so many of the posts, I know I came to the right place.

I've been married for 15 years and we dated for seven during college. We now have 2 kids - ages 8 and 11. Both are wonderful children and I'm not willing to throw in the towel because of all we built together.

He however has had enough and has threatened to leave, walk out several times. I walk on eggshells not knowing when the real time will come. Our biggest issue is communication and constant fighting and yelling. I can't tell you the last time he agreed with me on something, anything.

We still live together, still have intimacy, etc. Its just outside of that we argue constantly over everything. We both work with high pressure jobs and both provide fairly equal amounts to income.

I've been keeping a diary of the episodes and encounters lately. But only when they are major. I think when time passes my memory fades because I don't want to remember what happened.

I'm not infallable, believe me. I've recognized my weaknesses and am trying to correct them as best as I can. We both are contributing to the problems in this marriage. I think I just have to be the one to take that high road like the book says.

He basically says he's "done", "burned out", "worn out", and "depleted". He has admitted that he has intentionally withdrawn all attention to me since he knows that is what I need. He says he isn't going to be sucked in. So does that mean I'm getting the 180? However, I think his indifference to me and this marriage has been around a lot longer.

Any advice you have, I'm listening with ears wide open.


Me: 42
H: 44
K: 8 & 11
Living together
Never married before
No step kids
No EA's to my knowledge