The relationship with the OM was on it's tail end. It would have been nice, however, to see it evaporate of it's own accord. He was not leaving his wife, but still stringing mine along.
For the immediate future, it seems the affair is over. The OM's wife may leave him, but it seems she wants to work it out.
Tonight my wife wanted to have a R talk. We went into our car. She handed me two emails. The first was a letter from OM's wife to my wife. Angry, bitter, trailer-trash kind of letter. The gist is that OM presented himself as victim who was seduced by my wife and that she took advantage of him. My wife saw right through this BS and is rather pissed/disappointed with him.
The second email was my wife's brief response to the email, indicating that she was sorry for hurting OM's wife.
We talked about it. I told my wife that it's quite impressive how she can bring the trailer trash out in people (we both laughed).
My wife still feels like we need a separation. She feels that there are parts of me that can't/won't change and that I don't want to address the marriage problems we had before the affair became an issue.
She still doesn't see how an affair affects the LBS and makes them not really focus on much other than the affair. It's kind of, "Put the affair to the side and focus on the other issues in our marriage." No point in discussing this at length -- she can't understand the mind of a betrayed LBS spouse. Nor can she understand that while in an affair whatever changes the LBS does, they won't be noticed by WAS.
Anyhow, I appreciated my wife's openness and honesty. I felt lighter after our talk.
The OM is probably out of the picture. Strange but true.
Time to focus on me. Back to GAL.
I had a great conversation with Frank_D tonight. It was tremendously encouraging. He ennumerated the changes he saw in me. He reminded me that I'm a healer. Yes, I'm still leaning into the fear too much, but I'm getting better. He reminded me of who I am. WOW. Thanks Frank.
I also talked to MC today in my dark hours. Thanks for the pep talk bro. You held my arms up.
What am I walking away with tonight?
1. I've got to be OK. I have no choice.
2. If I'm OK, the kids will be OK, whatever the outcome.
3. If I'm OK, maybe the marriage can flourish.
4. If I'm not OK, I lose, my kids lose and the marriage ends.
5. What does OK mean? It means I need to grow into full spiritual manhood. Put away the fear. Act decisively, yet with compassion. Enjoy and delight in life.
