What a good year this has been.....

[forever21]

Thanks, HS!!!!! Your support is always great! Lol... I don't know, but I think my tow bill might eat up any savings if I were to use you as my mechanic. What a smart way to offer your mechanical services though... to those friends who live miles and miles away.


Thanks, Beth!! It is great to get feedback and support from you!!! Yep, my H is very passive agressive. No doubt about it. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that too. Yeah, they are so good at coming across like they don't know what they're doing. I do know better, but there are times I forget. My H has even admitted to being like this. One time that stands out was just this past Spring, when he told me it was hard for him to find a therapist he can't manipulate. Ha. At least there are times he is trying to be honest with me.

In dealing with p/a's there can't be any grey areas. Every question has to be pointed and the answer exact. Anything less leaves them with wiggle room and leaves us questioning ourselves and our sanity.

True. I don't find this easy to do though. I think it's a good thing to work on, as it helps make me a better communicator in general. Anything you can share that has helped you?

Look if he is really sincere and wants to work on changing and gaining your trust, then he would be open to getting some joint and individual couseling. If he is at that point then he should have no secrets. If he still has secrets then nothing has changed. You know him and if your gut is telling your that things don't feel right then there is a very good chance that they're not.

I agree. What you've said here has helped me see that.... asking H to go to C is something I could try. I haven't felt like the desire is there, but you've got me thinking I might need to test the waters to find out. Yep, trusting my gut (and knowing when not to, too) is one thing I'm grateful to have learned through the years.

Much of this limbo lies with me..... because as tired as I sometimes feel like I am with being in it, in actuality I'm not sure I want him back in my life either. It's no accident that we are not back together. I'm just as unsure as he is.

Over this last year I have only talked with H as a friend about going to IC, I've not asked him to go. And I haven't brought up MC. You've helped me to now seriously re-consider that idea, Beth, and I'm gonna 'try on' the idea over the next couple weeks.

I chose to tread lightly in regards to C over the last year, as our history of MC/IC in more recent years wasn't positive. He had actually asked for me to go in the Summer of '06, a couple months before he left. It was so out of character for him, and I didn't want to go. I'd suggested we try an alternative first, and he didn't look at any of them. At the time, my gut told me he wasn't looking for solutions. He was trying to blame me/M for his problems and I was very gun-shy about going to a C with him, fearing.... he would fool them, that it would do more harm than good, that he was just going to use it to drop a bomb. I'd just continued to 'act as if' and he seemed happier with me though it was clear he was struggling with something. He told me around February, that the MC had in fact been an ultimatum. Was nice that he was honest about that much of it at least.


I greatly appreciate you stopping by! Hope all is well for you.

Peace and love. f21