Way back in the beginning of time ... when I was reading all I could get my hands on and repeating most of it as if it came with a warranty ... there was a concept you may have also seen. I bring it up because you ask why this has to be so hard.
The idea was that a M recovered from the brink of mlc becomes stronger and better than it ever was before. Of course, we sense that this is because after seeing the other side of hell you would both appreciate each other so much. Your new sense of self and deeper understanding of each other create a bond you could not have had before even though you were both comfortable.
The point of course is that it HAS to be this hard. If it weren't, you wouldn't end up with that amazing incredible new M. Focus on getting yourself to be amazing and incredible. Let your H do his own work. He will end up having to catch up to you if you will stop waiting around for him.
