It's so hard when you love and trust someone for so long. Then this happens. I felt so demeaned in reading his letters to that girl. Saying he had a bad marriage. But was acting like all was okay with us. We had went through rough patches before this. But at the time of this we were okay. He told her how sexy she was as she sent pictures. He told her he preferred blondes all his life. Not sure how he ended up with a brunette. ( that's the color of my hair) It's like I don;t trust him anymore. It's almost like I can't give my heart completly. But see my heart just feels there is more to this. There was evidence that leads me to believe it. He was calling a girl he use to work with. She called him to. But used *67. When someone uses *67 on his phone to call him it shows up as his number. But he called her, and right after she called him. The calls haven't happened now for like a month. But they may have both got wise.
I am just trying to do things that will make me happy right now. Make me feel better about myself. I am back in school at 36 years old. I have been taking some me time. Whether it is to shop or go get some breakfast or whatever. I have stopped pursuing my husband 100% I don't ask where he was, or anything else for that matter. I have let him initiate any contact. I am not rude or short at all. I make him lunches before work and nice things like that. But I don't initiate to much beyond that.
Lately he has seemed to warm up again. He gave me money last weekend and told me to spend in on myself. He was all happy when he saw what I bought. I love to buy crafts and that's what I did. Last night he came up and kissed me and just held me for a minute and looked at me. It was actually kind of akward.
But then he made up for it today when he got all pissy about something stupid. And told me I had the attention span of a 10 year old. Because I apparently didn't remember him telling me about his new work hours.
