MY first thought at reading some of what you wrote is that maybe it could be the depression is contributing to some of this and his behaviors. Doesn't excuse it one bit but could be contributing. One thing that jumped out at me is you said you don't know what it is like to have mental illness. You also said mushy isn't your type of thing. But maybe this is what he needs. He needs compassion and mushiness. Maybe that is why he is having a hard time turning to you because you have made it known you can't understand this. Mental illness is a hard thing to deal with and one that can come out of the blue even when you think your the most head strong person in the world. It can crush you.
Also it really concerns me that you two haven't been intimate or even in the same room for 3 years. How did it turn to this for so long? Have you ever tried to put a stop to this? Or take back your rightful position to be in the bed? It just seems that is a long time. One will get lonely I'm sure after it being that long?
Also has he been to the doctor for impotence? How could he be at such a young age? If she is buying sex toys and things like that it just seems strange that his answer is he's impotent.
