Oh yeah, we all have been there, done that! Do I hate the OP? YES. And I hate that. I'm a loving person and to be hate is an ugly word. But I do. Sadly, it helps me feel better.
I'm pretty much a reformed snooper. I know he is still contacting her. And, when he caught me lying about a snooping activity (checking his cell phone) I realized I was taking myself down to his level. I have pretty much stopped since then.
You can't control what they do. It hurts. You snoop because you want to protect yourself from any more lies. You want to trust them again. While they are addicted to the affair, they will lie and do whatever they need to do to get their fix.
Originally Posted By: mkultra
They may leave competent women for weak needy women to help their self esteem. I believe most affairs are based on underground and unhealthy vices. It has been reported to me that my H's OW is very poor, dumb, and probably on drugs. My sweet friend also said she is ugly and gross.
What interesting thoughts! The OW my H is involved with is all of these things ... poor, previous drug issues, current drinking problem, is NOT attractive at all. Not that I'm of super model quality, but compared to her I could be Sophia Loren!
After 25 years, I know what my H likes in women ... SHE IS NOT IT!
So, perhaps these are their issues. But is DB a book for those who have a spouse who is sorry for the affair? I don't think so. I think the book is more for the wounded spouse.
I admit to my part of the problems in my M, even to contributing to some of the issues my H has. But it was not intentional. It was just 2 people who didn't communicate as we should have.
At this point, my H is not guilty (at least he has not shown it). He felt entitled to the A. But this is where DB comes into the picture. It makes us feel better about ourselves, our lives ... and can make us the person they want to be with. But it also helps us find ourselves again ... and so many of us lose ourselves in our M!!!
