Just had a friendly talk with H, during which we agreed that we don't want the D to be nasty, we want to work together, neither wants to see the other screwed, etc---generally very positive stuff.
H told me his father shared his experience about his own D (from H's mom, one very, very mentally ill woman) and expressed concern that H not screw himself in the same way.
Just hearing that FIL would possibly compare me with H's mom made me cry.
H reassured me that his job's not in danger, that he's committed to homeschooling the kids as long as it's working for the three of us, that there's no rush to sell the house, etc.
He admitted that the waiting is making him crazy---the kids don't know, he doesn't have his own place, etc---and that he's afraid because he doesn't have the same kind of support network I do, no friends, etc. He also said he hadn't been taking his antidepressants. I should've guessed that one.
I shared with him my concerns about his change of tenor, and that went fine. I reassured him that everything's on the table---the house, my working status, etc---and he appreciated that. He keeps mentioning the possibility of me "making this ugly," and I said I had no intention of that, that I want him to be happy and settled, etc. Again he expressed appreciation.
Then in the middle of it he said he'd forgot he had to be somewhere and rushed out.
I'm left feeling kind of adrift, in the middle of an emotional discussion, and very sad about the whole thing. He's pissed off that MIL "upset" me with her comments, but I think they're pretty typical and something to deal with. I also admitted that I don't know how to tell my mom about the S, especially since she's going to take it very differently---harder, I'm afraid---than ILs. That's the first time I've admitted that I haven't told her. No sign of surprise from H.
Holy moly, sadder than I've been in a while. I'm thankful it's evening, and soon the kids will be asleep.
