Well, this is a switch.....me talking on your thread (lol). You haven't been to visit me on my thread lately, so I thought I would look you up.
In response to what I'm reading here, I would say that both you and your W are very strong willed people! Also, Dom, I know from my own personal experience with you posting to me (and don't take this the wrong way) that you do get pretty "pushing" at times. Like the time I was sick for.....like one day... and you were about to come unglued b/c you had not heard back from me as soon as you thought I should respond. Also, it was like I had no excuses not to do what you suggested on any particular post. You know I say all this with love, right? (lol) Well, seriously though, you may have those traits that crash against your W's. Sometimes we don't always tell the other S....or else they don't listen when we do try to tell them.....that they have some personality quirk that we don't like about them. It could be that she just shuts down whenever you try to talk about anything b/c she has a hangup about you "talking"....period. Maybe she thinks you get to over-bearing....or too "preachy"....or whatever, but it is something there that is doing a number on her and I think you need to stop. It is not working is it? If it were me.....(lol) you would tell me to stop talking b/c it is not working.
First of all, you probably wonder how you can work things out if you can't talk. You and I are "talkers"......so it is hard not to TALK!......talk and talk and talk. Do you think there is a chance that you have done too much of that? I don't know.....I'm just throwing around possibilities. I think you are a "fixer" also and I would guess that you try to offer her a lot of "suggestions" to fix whatever problem there may be in her life. She knows when you want to talk about the R that you are going to tell her what you think needs to be done. Being strong-willed....she probably doesn't want to hear that. I don't think she really has to be stong willed to not want to hear it. I think that is the way my kids always saw me and that is why they sort of "shut down" whenever I would start to tell them what I thought. (lol)
How long have you and your W been S? How often do you see her? Are you always ready to talk about the R, family or business.....or whatever? What do you do when you get together? (I am just full of questions, aren't I?)
As you know, my H has never been a talker and it drives me crazy, however, I have learned that we can be together and not talk. It is possible. Maybe you should just try it out for size and see what happens. As I said, trying to talk with her now is certainly not working.
As far as what to do about her being mad.........I think she probably is one that holds grudges and there is not one thing you can do about that. My advice would be to apologize when you know you are wrong.....and then live and let live. Go on and be relaxed, cool and fun. If she chooses to get mad....she would anyway, so you might as well be the best you can be and just let her stew in her on soup. If she trys to keep bringing it up after you apologized....tell her you aren't going to re-hash that again. Refuse to talk about it...walk away if you have to. but don't allow her to push your buttons and get into a verbal fight. By doing that, you are letting her know that her little emotional blackmail won't work on you.....thereby not getting her way. That goes back to the two strong wills in the M. She is just using a different technique.
Well, it's been nice TALKING to you. (lol) Take care and come visit me.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
