Down and out...need hope.

[sandi2]

I told her I thought we had two great days together last week. She said, why...'because we got along?' I said thats a big component of moving forward. She doesnt really agree. I asked why we couldnt really work on any of our other issues?

I know you won't understand this b/c I don't understand it myself.....and I went through it. When I almost walked away from my H I remember feeling like your W feels now. I could not stand my H! I did not want to talk R or our M to him whatsoever. Anything along those line were pressure to me. That is what you are doing to your W everytime you want to talk about the R. It is pushing her futher away. If you will stop and think about it like that....maybe it will help you from going down that street.

Also, I might add that in the beginning of your thread you said that your W had probably went a long time with you not giving much attention to her and that the two of you had not had too much of a social life. Now....she has your undivided attention! That amazes me how we do that to our S. When we think we are on the verge of losing the one we love....then they have our undivided attention. But now....she doesn't want it. In fact, it makes it worse for you in the long run when you do pay too much attention to her. That was exactly how it was with me and my H. I did not want him watching every move I made or hanging onto every word I said. I resented the heck out of him, and she does you also. You wanted to know how you could detach while in the same house, well I can tell you that you can.....and you had better do it or you will loose any chance of getting her back.

Now, you say that she will be the one leaving. Well, you opened that door for her in you anger. I can't say that I blame you....I probably would have done the same thing, however, I wished you hadn't b/c now she will probably get things "moving" the way she wants them to go.

My advice to you would be to do some fast changing in yourself. You weren't seeing result fast enough and you got angry and now she is going to be moving. However, don't throw in the towell just yet. She will still see you from time to time, since you have the kids between you. So, use those few seconds to your good. Look and behave the best that you possibly can! She may not act as though she even notices.....but she will. Those few seconds or minutes will add up and hopefully she will finally realize that she doesn't want to give you up.

If she is in MLC, it is going to take time.....maybe a long time before she comes out of it. Can you wait it out?

Are you sure she is not involved with OM? This "friend" that she went away with for the weekend......are you sure that it was not OM? I'm not saying that they can't go through a MLC without having an A with OP, but more often than not it goes hand in hand.

Well, I haven't been very helpful, but I have tried to point out a couple of things to you. I hope you can wait it out T and that you won't let your impatience and/or anger get the best of you. She will be talking D next, so be prepared. Try to remain on friendly terms with her. You can do that by applying the DR techniques.

Keep coming here to post.