I posted quite a while back under the newcomer section, as I didn't really know where I belonged. Unfortunately, I now know where my post belongs. A little history: Me: 36 W: 44 Married almost 7; Together 8+. I have two children from first marriage: D12, S9. We have D5 together
After a summer of suspecting it, and trying to make things better, It's finally been confirmed my wife was involved in an EA ( I believe that is all - technically what is the line between EA/PA? Actual sex? - does a kiss or several make a difference?) with a superior at work. The way it was discovered, I am not proud of (heavy snooping - I know DON'T SNOOP), and let's just say because of that, I've introduced some trust issues as well. I can justify it (in my own mind) at times, as having no choice, I needed the answer - but it's still not me.. not who I am, or how I am, and there is no justification. Insanity was knocking at my door.
I believe the EA is over, and she wants us to work. I do too - *sometimes*. Daily I run the gamut from wanting to give it my all, to throwing my arms in the air and saying F-it. We've set up a session with a counselor this week. I just really don't know how I'll ever get over the betrayal and mistrust. The thought that she could let something go so far as to be thinking about a life with someone else, and never try to work on the problem with me. I also cannot get past the fact that I gave her multiple opportunities to be honest with me, she swore on everything that there was not, and had not been anyone. Instead, let me go ALL OUT, trying to make things better, make myself better (books, etc.), when there really was a problem. I completely bottomed out this summer worrying about it. And had I not had proof, I still wouldn't know about it. She truly seems relieved that it is finally out in the open, and wants things to work... but I'm all over the board.
I find it horribly frustrating that me finding out can be viewed as serious of betrayal as the A - or even in the same ballpark. Honestly, it was self preservation - it was going to do me in.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, any thoughts, advice, or even a slap in the face, would be appreciated. How do you get past something like this? Fundamentally, what are the primary things that have to happen, to even start? Leave her job? Stop all contact? We've agreed we are basically at square one.. no where to go but up.
Will this ever stop eating a hole in my heart and soul? Does time help?
