Obviously you know her better than I do. However, my W has made similar control complaints about me in the past (it gets quite nuts sometimes) and she does like backbone in me. Thing is I have to pick the right time.
Anyway, not sure what else to tell you. All the reasonable routes have failed, you say the unreasonable routes are doomed to fail, what else is there?
Brainstorming: what if you did a hybrid? Firmly stated that you will talk about something right now. Intentionally push her into being unreasonably upset. Then, back off, become placid and soothing and use the oppurtunity of her being out of control to say something like honey ILY and you seem disproportionatly upset over this, maybe there's something else we need to talk about.
I have a feeling, and it's based on my W so may not apply, that when she gets really mad, the line between fury and a full on emotional breakdown is very thin. For my W, she can go from spitting mad to bawling uncontrolably in no time flat. It sucks but that brief period of time when she is crying out of frustration is usually my only shot at getting through to her when she's in her "I hate Bryan" mode. It's interesting because I get the feeling that the reason she's crying has nothing to do with me; it's that in some way she recognizes what she's doing and is angry and frustrated with herself for doing it.
