I met with the Guardian Ad Lidem today. We met for an hour and a half and it was probably the worst hour and a half that I have had since all of this began.
I had to tell her everything. I had to be honest about my W's actions and why I feel she is an unfit mother. I had to tell her why my D14 doesnt want to be with her mother.
It was absolutely horrible as each time I revealed something that my W had done I fealt as if I was hurting my W. I know that she did this to herself, I know that she made the choices that she made, I know that I ave to look out for my children.
Do not get me wrong, I understand why I had to do what I had to do today. It was just so heartbreaking saying those things to a stranger. So sad having to show anyone how poor my W's behavior and decisions have been. I fealt like I had betrayed my W, my vows to protect her, my love for her.
I held it together while in the office with the guardian, but as soon as I left I was overcome with such intense hurt and sadness. I have never in my life fealt such overwhelming sorrow over being honest. To be honest, I am so mad at W for putting me in this position and I just hate that I had to do this meeting today.
Lissie Bean and Swashy, you are two wonderful and special people to take the time to listen to me sob like a baby and not judge me. I thank god for the wonderful people that I have met on these boards.
I have decided to not go back to work, I am taking the rest of the day off and will try and process through all of these emotions. I will try and get myself refocused on my kids and forget about what was done today. I will try not to think about what kind of disparaging remarks my W will make to the guardian when she meets with her later today.
I absolutely know that I did the right thing today and that I protected my children as any father should. The tears and the pain are not about that, they are about the truth, what that truth his, and what pain it will cause my wife when all of this shakes out. I have protected this woman for 15 years and this was the first time I can remember ever doing anything that I knew for sure would hurt her.
I hate that today had to happen and I pray that it will all be over soon. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy........
As much as you know, and we can all repeat, that your W chose her actions to hurt herself, it doesn't help when you know it comes to this, and it doesn't soothe the pain when you see a great person gone so wrong.
I used to feel a lot of hurt for H when people would ask me how I was and about life. I felt compelled to blurt out what a great guy he was. They had nothing nice to say. These weren't mean people - they were truthful. It stung to hear only bad things about a person who once had people only saying great things. Then, it really hurt to talk openly about H and all the things he did and the person he became. I felt I betrayed him so much. I felt I turned my back on him, and it was such an awful feeling.
I can only imagine how torn up you are. I am sorry that it came to this. You did what you had to do, the fact that it tore you up speaks volumes of your character.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Sorry you are going through this Ian, but you are doing the right thing for your kids. Hugs
found out about affair 8/06 H moves out Nov/06 D final 8/07 X re marries OW 5/08 _________________________ Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying... " I will try again tomorrow". -- Mary Anne Radmacher
No one would want to be in the position that you found yourself in, having to go to that meeting. But you were not there by choice. This was forced upon you as just one more of her crimes against the loving trust of your M and your family.
You did what you had to do, having been put in that chair. Yes, it must have totally crushed you as you left and began to breathe again. You must have felt like having just instructed medical staff to end support for someone that can not possibly continue to function as intended.
No one would ever want to be placed in that position either, but it does happen. We think we know what we would feel or do if the day came. But only in that chair would we really experience it. You were not there by choice. Our collective hearts pour out to you because you were there and had to tough it up. This may only be one of many steps you will have to take in order to do your best for your family and for yourself.
Get some rest. Talk to those close to your heart. Let it out. Let go of some of that suffering. Make room for positive healing. Your children are going to need to see you at your best as soon as possible, so they don't begin to feel like part of the blame for your pain. They may mistakenly feel that if they weren't involved, this wouldn't hurt you so bad.
They must be made to understand otherwise and be made to feel that if it weren't for them, you may not have the strength to fight for yourself at all. That is what family is, and we all pray for the unity of your family.
Hey man. Just a note. I just hung up with you and you sounded good. Just thinking back to the good ol' days when something like this would have torn you up for a week. Speaks volumes about your ability to deal with your emotions, rationalize them, process them and continue to move forward. Congrats.
Sorry to hear you had to go through this. You've been there for me when I've needed someone - thank you.
I haven't got anything that useful o add, just to say thinking of you and hope the memory of this bad day becomes less painful with the passing of time.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
