I can't give you all the answers since I never had the chance, but I have watched others and see how hard it is.
As for the nice version of "if you can't deal with it, it is your problem", all I can say is that these are your feelings and no one else's. Thus, there is no one else who can deal with them. I am not sure there can be any other side to it. No doubt, it will take time, but you can't let the negativity creep in if you are going to hold this marriage together.
