Sage advice out there?

[saffie]

mom,

I struggled with it like this also. Time and reading and talking to others helps me. It still hits me but gradually less and less. I am 15 months on from reconciliation. It does get easier.

I found that I kept pushing my H away and testing him to see if it was genuine. I did almost become a WAW as well. Ow resided in my head 24hrs a day and nearly consumed me even though she had gone from my H's life.

I have been having Cognitive behavioural therapy and that has been very helpful. I have taught myself to break the ruminating on things in my mind. I had found that I would go round reliving it all in my head when my H wasn't there and I had to stop that before it destroyed all I had fought so hard to save.

Now I find things a lot easier. My therapist helped me realise that it was OK to be hurt and angry but not OK to show it to my H or take it out on him. I had to deal with it. I have not been to a C with my H.

Find something that you enjoy and you can concentrate on when negative thoughts invade you. Whether it be a nice thought or something you do like going to see a friend, find something that brings you peace.

My H and I also are actively doing things to make new memmories - we have lunch together once a month; we go to the pictures once a week, we make a big thing of our anniversaries and the kids birthdays to over ride the bad times that happened on those dates. We communicate and communicate and communicate.

It is so very hard but it is worth the effort!!!

Saffie