How about simply being direct and report what is going on?
"H, I want a separation. Being more into the M than you are simply does not interest me anymore. I want a much better R than you can offer me. I'm moving to the other room as soon as I get it organized. Anyway, the idea is that it will be a true separation as when we were separated before. So, for instance, you're in charge of your own laundry. But, lol, I'll be happy to trade laundry for yard work."
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch for so long. I've updated myself as far as I can with your sitch and things have changed a lot since I last considered myself a "regular" on this site.
I don't have any advice to offer you (I feel slightly under-qualified) but I'm sure you will do what is right for you as you've been through so much so far and handled yourself very well.
I'll try and drop you an email with my latest sitch when I get time - don't want to hijack your thread.
Me 33 WAW 32 Married 3.5 yrs Together 10 yrs W moved out 9/2/2007 (UK Format) Previous Thread
hope your doing well... any more progress on your new room?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
OT - no, I haven't, and I am worried also. I am realizing my cell plan SUCKS. I don't know if I can't call out of state or what, but I get a fast busy when I try to reach her. I will try from work tomorrow. I did email her at both addresses I have... no response yet but I keep checking.
ktp - thanks for checking in! I look forward to hearing from you.
ST - thanks! I was back to work yesterday so have been kinda buried catching up. I haven't made much visible progress on my room, but I have a lot of ideas in the works. The couch/bed should be in this week. I measured again tonight and it's going to be awfully tight so I dunno. Will have to just see how it is, I may need to switch to a small daybed. I also ordered a closet "system" (Configurations by Rubbermaid - looks neat!). I am going to turn the rest of that really awkward wall I mentioned into a nice big closet, then figure out a way to cover it up, maybe with curtains.
Tonight I picked up some paint chips. The carpet in that room is a VERY dark green. I think it might even be indoor/outdoor carpet as it's super short too. Not very easy to match... so I'm working on that. I found a beige that I like but I kinda wanted more color... will have to see how to work that in.
I'm having fun with it though, so that's the good part! I got the fountain going again, too, so have been enjoying that.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Didn't get to finish my post because H is hovering constantly!
Anyway... picked out some paint chips and I want to find something really pretty. It's gonna be hard to match the dark green carpet. Any ideas are welcome! Green and brown sounds so blah... but not a lot looks good with this green... really want to make it a pretty room though.
H is acting sooo weird. I thought before was weird, now is weirder. After the last bomb I stopped with any hugs, kisses beyond the "friendly kiss on the cheek," that kinda thing. I'll reciprocate (halfway) but that's about it. The first couple days H almost seemed relieved. Now? I think it's freaking him out.
This AM he cheerfully said "Bellydancing tonight?" - I said yes and he was all happy. I ended up not going to bellydancing.. my ankle kinda hurt and I was just NOT in the mood and decided to be nice to myself rather than force myself to go. I went to the hardware store and got cabinet knobs for the closet area in my new room, and picked up some paint chips. Funny... I got home around the time I'd normally get home from bellydancing and H literally pulled in RIGHT behind me. Second time it's happened so he sheepishly said "I'm not stalking you I swear!"
And tonight he kept touching me. Holding his arm across my back, around my shoulders, etc. And Tuesday has been his (newest) "party night" so that was odd too. And asking me over and over where I got things. Just one example, I bought some really tasty tomatoes on my last day of my trip.. he asked me 3 times within 10 minutes "Where'd you get these again?"
Just weird...
On the positive side I'm detached enough to realized he's being weird and just ignore it.
I so hope that couch / bed ends up fitting and looking good in my new room. I'm more and more excited to make it my own little space.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Nikki- You are doing so awesome! You are doing something I just can never imagine doing; being able to live in the same house with my H who is actively trying to not be my H. You are very strong.
Re the color- without seeing it, it's hard to say, but here are some ideas- a lighter shade of the same green (if you like it). What type of decor do you like? (ie Japanese, rustic, victorian, etc.) Know that can help. OR, since the room is so small-- get an area rug that you love for the area(s) that you can see, and decorate from that.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
that 'weird' behavior your talking about is normal. agree with CK. Just continue to do what you are doing and don't fall back into what happened last time when he started pursueing and moved back home.
I'm sensing the 3x same questions asked is he is trying to find things to talk to you about, or have reason to communicate with you... or else he thinks you've got some A going on and he just can't figure out how to catch you.
either way, just let things happen and don't worry much about it, but continue working on yourself and enjoying your life as you have been. I'm excited to see how things progress from here.
CK also suggested the colors I was going to suggest. I would go with a light yellow also, and maybe you could find a nice rug with some yelow in it too to bring it together, other than that, I'm empty of ideas.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I hope we here from Donna soon. I am hoping that she decided to quit the boards cold turkey too as it keeps pulling her back into trying to fix the M.
As for you, your H is jealous. Let him stay that way. As long as he remains a closed book to you, remain a closed book to him. Sounds like you need a fistful of wildflowers too, but put them in one of your spaces in the house.
As for the room, maybe find some curtains first, I have in mind something that recalls an impressionist painting like one of Monet's. That should really open up your space for paint colors.
