I didn't really know your sitch so I just read through your thread. Your husband appears to be super Passive/Aggressive. You said that you were confused by him, but believe me, with someone so p/a that's exactly what you're left with, and our biggest mistake is in thinking that they don't know what they're doing.
I also deal with 2 extreme p/a's in my life. My husband and my daughter. They either say exactly what they think you want to hear or they turn things around to make you feel as if you either got what they said wrong or that they never said what they did to begin with. I've lived with this for a long, longtime. It's only now that I really understand the whole thing.
In dealing with p/a's there can't be any grey areas. Every question has to be pointed and the answer exact. Anything less leaves them with wiggle room and leaves us questioning ourselves and our sanity.
Look if he is really sincere and wants to work on changing and gaining your trust, then he would be open to getting some joint and individual couseling. If he is at that point then he should have no secrets. If he still has secrets then nothing has changed. You know him and if your gut is telling your that things don't feel right then there is a very good chance that they're not.
