As much as I want to save my M I cannot do it alone and she's not willing to try.
It seems like you're at the "divorce busting" site, but you havent bothered to actually read the "divorce busting" books. They are all about the possibility that one person CAN make a difference to the relationship.
No, you misunderstand me. I do believe that one person can make a difference. However, the difference you can do is to make changes and hope that they will choose to come back to you. You cannot fix the M alone, it requires their willing participation. DB isn't about fixing the M, it's about getting your R to a place where they are willing to work with you on fixing the M.
That's why I say that I can't do anything until W is willing to work at it. I guess I mean I can't make any progress on our R until then. I know that I can do things in the meantime that may help her decide to work on our M though.
As for your other points, who knows... I read a lot of opinions, some say that a separation can be just what a couple needs to make it and others say that it's just the path to divorce. Honestly I don't know what to think.
Again though, I don't have a choice here. We're going to separate. I have no say in that. I can only choose how I want to handle it. I only see two choices. I can tell her nope, I'm not going anywhere and if you want to leave you are free to do so, or I can go along with the shared apartment. I would greatly prefer the latter. Either way we're going to be separated, the question is do I want it to be done in the least disruptive way possible where we still share daily reminders of each other, or do I want it done with conflict and animosity and legal battles? If I refuse and tell her to go, she's either going to file for a divorce and fight for the house in court, or she'll move out and fight for custody of the kids. I don't see how that helps either of us.
As for a reality check, no she doesn't get the house and kids whenever she wants. Since she is taking night classes, the only option is for me to have custody and house M-R. Then she has to take the kids/house F-S. That doesn't leave her much free time and makes those weekend trips a lot harder.
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It sounds like you need help managing a REAL relationship. getting back to a fake long-distance one, wont solve your "real relationship" problems. you gotta learn something new, to do that.
Actually I think what's been missing from our R was the very thing we had during that long distance phase. We talked for hours every day, shared our independent lives with each other, supported each other, etc. During the years after we moved together that faded away and we did less and less independently, took on our roles in the house, talked less and less and basically lost that connection. W's biggest emotional need is intimate conversation and we lost that along the way. I believe the key to us working things out is getting back to that, talking and sharing and laughing and at the same time being more independent and sharing the separate aspects of our life with each other.
