still trying, now separating

[Dom R]

As much as I want to save my M I cannot do it alone and she's not willing to try.

It seems like you're at the "divorce busting" site, but you havent bothered to actually read the "divorce busting" books.
They are all about the possibility that one person CAN make a difference to the relationship.

Sounds like your #1 priority should be to go (re?)read DB or DR.

we fell in love in a long distance R and my plan is to get back to that kind of R

It sounds like you need help managing a REAL relationship. getting back to a fake long-distance one, wont solve your "real relationship" problems. you gotta learn something new, to do that.

Quickie comments inline:

I can make more progress on my issues without the constant fear of screwing up.
Sounds like you either need to get better control of yourself, or at minimum, just quit hanging around her. that doesnt require either of you "moving out".
I kind of look forward to the freedom...
so, basically, just being selfish, rather than working more
she is open to the possibility of MC in the future and she suggested going on dates
Dont bet the farm on that actually happening.
I have a lot of plans for things I want to do with my newfound free time and that will give me a lot more to talk with her about
There is nothing stopping you from doing all those things right now, without either of you moving out.
She has classes during the night so has to have the kids on the weekends, which means less freedom for her without me to babysit. It's going to be a reality check for her.
Reality check for her?? Here's one for you: what she has proposed, makes her life waay easier. She has the kids, and the house, when she wants them. and she doesnt have to be bothered with them when it is inconvenient for her.

a "reality check", would be for her to really bear full responsability for a real separation, and tell her, "if you want to be separated, you move out"


and something that bears highlighting by itself:

it's hard on the kids, but easier than a custody battle

WRRRRONNNG.....(is that something that "she" convinced you of?)
First off.. it's the separation that harms the kids. not the "custody battle". They dont care about "legal statuses". what they care about, is whether or not they are with BOTH mommy and daddy every day.
Secondly... You are having a "custody battle" right now. You are deciding custody.. right now.
What you do now, effectively determines custody when and if either of you file for divorce.

All I can say for sure is that the longer I am in the same house with her, the more indifferent I become about the outcome and the less motivated I feel to try and save the M.

Sounds to me, like this separation is really about you: in that you are tired of working on your marriage, and being separated, means that you wont have to work on it any more. you get to "work on yourself" and go have fun and enjoy yourself, in the guise of "getting more interesting things to talk about".

I guess this post is more aggro than my usual.
I get worked up when people post about how separation is somehow "better" for either their marriage, or their children, than staying in the same home and continuing to actually work on the marriage. 'Cause I know from direct experience from my children: it's way better to stay and work on it.