As much as you know, and we can all repeat, that your W chose her actions to hurt herself, it doesn't help when you know it comes to this, and it doesn't soothe the pain when you see a great person gone so wrong.
I used to feel a lot of hurt for H when people would ask me how I was and about life. I felt compelled to blurt out what a great guy he was. They had nothing nice to say. These weren't mean people - they were truthful. It stung to hear only bad things about a person who once had people only saying great things. Then, it really hurt to talk openly about H and all the things he did and the person he became. I felt I betrayed him so much. I felt I turned my back on him, and it was such an awful feeling.
