Originally Posted By: soul_mate

I have the same issues W wants me to be passionate for her and to hold her on in highest regards, to be thoughful, etc. But of course will not let me do any of it, but instead thinks I can't change. I don't have an answer for this I just really don't know what to do here.


I hear you, if you figure it out let me know \:\) It kind of makes me wonder if it's all a big test. I mean, I get the feeling that W doesn't actually want me to give up. I start to wonder what kind of big show of love she's looking for in order to feel like I do care and am passionate for her. The only thing I can think of so far is that if I don't give up maybe she'll eventually get that. I don't know.

I'm trying to psych myself up to do the approach mentioned in The Way of the Superior Man. Basically he had said that what a woman wants is to know that her man is strong enough to stand up and give her love through the midsts of her storm. That when she is angry, withdrawn and upset you should view her not as really being angry, but as in needing love.

That's the best approach I can think of. Show her that no matter what you still will give her love and in time hope she will see the sincerity and strength in that. Unfortunately it's hard on two counts. First, she's not really willing to let me show her love. I mean, I'm pretty sure if I went up and just gave her a passionate kiss she'd deck me. Yet I tend to also think that she'd secretly be pleased with it. What do I know though. I have been wondering lately if it would do any good to try to push through her defenses and touch her with passion and love, even though she tells me it's not appropriate. And DB would say that is hardcore pursuing. Yet she wants passion \:\) Anyway, that's some rambling, but the other hard part of this approach is that it's really hard to just give love and give love and stand there in the midst of her anger still loving her. I'm getting nothing in return and while I do think there is validity in unconditionally giving love, I don't know how long I can really do that...