Seems like what you should be thinking about is, how is being separated, going to help you make up with her, your problems of being "unavailable and withdrawn"???
It doesn't. But how does staying in an awkward situation in the same house help things either? It doesn't.
I've been talking this over in therapy. My C basically said that it sounds like my W is on the fence and that I needed to do something to nudge her one way or the other. We agreed that sitting in limbo wasn't helping the situation and I am constantly battling resentment over being neglected. As much as I hate to say it, and maybe I'm just not as strong as I can be, but there is only so long I can take sitting around waiting for her to make up her mind. It's been about 4 months now and we're stagnant. My C reminded me that while I can make changes and try to draw her back to me, that unless she is actively willing to participate in the M we will get nowhere.
So when we sat down to talk I told her what I wanted. I told her I wanted to set a 2 month time limit to go to counseling and both of us to make an effort to work on the M. At the end of that time we could then assess whether we made any progress or not. She refused. The stagnant part is killing me. As much as I want to save my M I cannot do it alone and she's not willing to try.
Like I said, I don't want a separation. What I want is for us to work on the M. But that's not an option. I don't know if a S will be good for us or not. I do know that the current sitch isn't working for either of us. I try to look at it objectively and here's what I see positive about a separation.
- less pressure and stress = more open and relaxed around each other - more me time = less stress about being taken advantage of - I can make more progress on my issues without the constant fear of screwing up - I kind of look forward to the freedom... - we fell in love in a long distance R and my plan is to get back to that kind of R - she is open to the possibility of MC in the future and she suggested going on dates - I have a lot of plans for things I want to do with my newfound free time and that will give me a lot more to talk with her about - She has classes during the night so has to have the kids on the weekends, which means less freedom for her without me to babysit. It's going to be a reality check for her.
In all honesty, I could be wrong, I actually think that this will get us talking MORE. Right now she's pretty much avoiding me because it's hard to be around me, and I honestly think that with the space we'll start chatting on the phone regularly. That's how we fell in love after all as we were 5 states away.
Now on the negatives?
- out of sight, out of mind (or is it absence makes the heart grow fonder) - yes, we each could just move on with life and forget each other - one or both of us could meet someone else and end the M - it's hard on the kids, but easier than a custody battle
All I can say for sure is that the longer I am in the same house with her, the more indifferent I become about the outcome and the less motivated I feel to try and save the M. That can't be a good thing. If she were to come around and start to be willing to make an effort on the M, then I'd be all over it, but it doesn't seem likely to happen anytime soon as she is way too wounded.
