I met with the Guardian Ad Lidem today. We met for an hour and a half and it was probably the worst hour and a half that I have had since all of this began.
I had to tell her everything. I had to be honest about my W's actions and why I feel she is an unfit mother. I had to tell her why my D14 doesnt want to be with her mother.
It was absolutely horrible as each time I revealed something that my W had done I fealt as if I was hurting my W. I know that she did this to herself, I know that she made the choices that she made, I know that I ave to look out for my children.
Do not get me wrong, I understand why I had to do what I had to do today. It was just so heartbreaking saying those things to a stranger. So sad having to show anyone how poor my W's behavior and decisions have been. I fealt like I had betrayed my W, my vows to protect her, my love for her.
I held it together while in the office with the guardian, but as soon as I left I was overcome with such intense hurt and sadness. I have never in my life fealt such overwhelming sorrow over being honest. To be honest, I am so mad at W for putting me in this position and I just hate that I had to do this meeting today.
Lissie Bean and Swashy, you are two wonderful and special people to take the time to listen to me sob like a baby and not judge me. I thank god for the wonderful people that I have met on these boards.
I have decided to not go back to work, I am taking the rest of the day off and will try and process through all of these emotions. I will try and get myself refocused on my kids and forget about what was done today. I will try not to think about what kind of disparaging remarks my W will make to the guardian when she meets with her later today.
I absolutely know that I did the right thing today and that I protected my children as any father should. The tears and the pain are not about that, they are about the truth, what that truth his, and what pain it will cause my wife when all of this shakes out. I have protected this woman for 15 years and this was the first time I can remember ever doing anything that I knew for sure would hurt her.
I hate that today had to happen and I pray that it will all be over soon. I wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy........
