Checking back in: Well, our D20 just went back to college after fall break. I think she had a nice break--we went to Washington, saw a movie, she went to a tango class and practica with me (Wow, she's a natural! Which will serve her well on a semester abroad in Argentina...)
OK, here is the thing that is bothering me: (sorry for the long story)
H came over on Thursday, so we could all have dinner together at home, out in the country. It was a nice dinner, nothing too heavy, and H and D enjoyed each other's company.
Then, Friday, D and I packed the car to go camping at a music festival in the mountains. On the way there, H called to say he was planning to work on the barn on Sunday, so would it be OK if he spent Saturday night, while we were gone. I said OK, but it seemed like assuming a lot (but on the other hand, maybe he needed some time/opportunity to see/miss his home, on his own time.)
Well, I made the stupid mistake of not buying tickets before the online sales closed, and--you guessed it--by the time we got to the festival, they were sold out, and we had turn around and drive home Friday night. (D was really nice about it--that is how I know that she is really turning into a good adult!)
So, we turn around and drive all the way home, only to find out that H has set up to spend the night on the farm on Friday night (not Saturday, as planned), without telling me. We drive up the road, and see lights on in the house, front door open, etc. and sheepish H, who thought that we were hours away. His excuse is that one of the neighbors called his cell to say that there was a dog that looked like one of ours, injured on the road, so he came out to check. (which I appreciate, but he also brought his clothes, his toiletries, his laundry, his guitar. Hmmm. Thankfully, it was not our dog.)
He ended up spending the night on Friday. (yes, I agreed. Is this a mistake? That is part of what this is getting at...)
He worked on the farm the next day (Saturday). I agreed that he could invite close friends--a couple--and our S17 for dinner Saturday night, and we ate outside in the beautiful fall evening, with little lights strung up on the patio, and candles. It was a very nice evening. He did leave Saturday evening, and took our S back to school (public boarding school).
H was back Sunday. I drove D to the airport, and H worked on the barn. I helped with that for a while, at his request, and then I worked in the garden, weeding, until dark. Finally, we are all alone, and we ate dinner, went to bed, and you guessed it, again.
OK, this is my question, finally: How should I handle this situation? Yes, I want my H back, but he is depressed, has not said ILY, or that he wants to come back--he just seems to want to spend time here, without discussing it (not that I want to hear a repeat of the MLC stuff, which is why I don't try to discuss it, either). There is a part of me that resists this treatment. Am I being a fool?
I am happy that he seems drawn to me, but I still feel hurt by the mean things he has said to me over the last year, none of which he has apologized for, or even alluded to...I know that I could hold my breath and die, if I am holding out for an apology.
And, to be fair, he has shown little glimmers of empathy for me, and a renewed appreciation of the life we could have together (even mentioning traveling around the world together, when we retire, IF we are together.) I have been pretty quiet in response to most of this, mostly because I don't actually trust that he is "there" yet, but I will say something like "I know what you mean."
I am trying to have no expectations, but I can't help but think about what I would say if he mentioned moving back. Should I just say "yes" and open my arms? Should I insist on some MC, first? Should I tell him that I need a commitment, first?
Of course, he may not ask for months, or longer, if at all. I get that! But something tells me he is getting pretty tired of living in the uninspiring little apartment, and "home is where you go, when you have no other place to go."
I know that I am really lucky that he did not hook up with an OW. I know that it is too early for me to invite him home (or is it?), but what if he asks?
Please, anyone, give me your 2 cents. All of the feedback I have gotten on this board has been helpful--some of it really helped alter my perspective!
