still trying, now separating

[Dom R]

When we talked about this and I agreed to go along with it, she immediaely relaxed.

well DUH... you've given her exactly what she wanted out of you.. of course she's going to be happier and relaxed!

As soon as we decided on this plan it's almost as if she went from being convinced the M was over to suddenly feeling like there was some hope.

Wrong. you dont know how she feels. Always remember this. It doesnt matter what she shows you on the outside.. on the inside, she may be feeling something completely different

I dont think you know how she really feels about your marriage at this point, and her intentions for it.

Now if I'd gone the opposite route and said no, I'm not leaving but you are free to do so if you want, where would we be? She be angry and resentful, not talking to me and looking to get out as fast as possible.

you're making assumptions again, and comparisons, that you dont actually know are valid.

She's "looking to get out" either way. The question is, are you going to make it all happy and comfy, all the way through her filing for divorce [because her life is so comfy without you, why would she ever bother coming back] ?!

She's already made her choice, she wants a separation. There are only two options, I either go along with it and make it happen with as little ugliness as possible or I resist. Telling her I won't go and if she wants to, she is free to go is resisting. Passive resisting, but resisting all the same. It's going to happen on way or another, why resist it?

it is NOT "resisting".
Wow, sounds like she's got you brainwashed very nicely
You are not in any way STOPPING her from moving out.
If you were stopping her, that would be resisting.

If I walk up to you, and say, "hello, I've decided to move. I want you to help me move". and you say "no":
Are you "resisting" me?
You are resisting my request for assistance, yes. But you are in no way preventing me from moving.



Go read BryanS's thread. He made all the same excuses you did.
They separated.
he doesnt seem to think it was such a great idea any more.

(from first post)
Her complaint is that I have been withdrawn and emotionally unavailable and she feels that I can never change and can never be what she needs,
[....]
(recent post)
How would doing this help me to get her back?

Seems like what you should be thinking about is, how is being separated, going to help you make up with her, your problems of being "unavailable and withdrawn"???

It doesnt. Something is clearly out of whack here.