No however the signs of a WAW were around for a couple of years. I did everything I knew at the time to repair things but was rebuffed. It was complex. I was fighting a transfer in my job (Wife for medical reasons had to live close to the ocean), fighting to keep my marriage, and while working at home fighting the opressing lack of social interaction (work at home computer job). She denies it be she argued for me to be deployed and anytime I discussed to leave the military she was against it. Hmmmmm.
I got the Dear John 2 months after in country.
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Did you feel that your deployment made you better able to withstand the pounding of a D.?
No or at best mixed. I fought in country with half of my brain trying to save my Marriage and with the help of 61mm mortors and 122mm rockets the bad guys rocked and rolled my can good. Upon return I faced * Retire or move and be seperated from family * Parent with Alzeimers (which has now passed on) * All monies from deployment gone (Please pay attention here!) * Sholder and Knee injuries the Navy and VA refused to cover * The normal letdown from returning from combat. (The Marines, Navy and VA are not to blame here help was available)
For You * Reserve Officers tend to make that switch better than Reserve Enlisted. Many and varied reasons why. No blame it's simply the landscape. * You will return to your old life with contacts and some reinforcement. You will fit or be a better fit than me since I did not fit anywhere. Things that excited most people bore me. Things that I willing do (freedive for drowning victims) terrify most people. Many of my Vietnam buds spoke of the same thing.
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it appears that your former W. was married before you as well? I can't believe the whole thing was your fault.
Yes we both were and I agree with you on fault. That and 1.75 gets me a coffee. Being a multiple failure I decided not to look for comfort from the fairer sex but to figure and work on the roots of where I failed. The X for her many faults did verbalize much of this without complaining and said things I saw in print later. There was an OM and they are now married. In short if we do not make memories someone else will.
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I've got 3 college degrees, a great military job and a great civilian job. I'm a high school administrator when I'm not in uniform. I managed to interview and get 3 better kobs within 10 years. My big mistake was always looking for that next degree, Army school, promotion, new job....and not really paying enough attention to my W.s needs. It's that simple
Like you I concentrated on me. Fire Dept, Military, stressful IT job and was successful in all three while the pillars of my existance crumbled from lack of attention. No drugs, little drink, and no infidelity. Part of the price of this much success is the family and they have one life also so they go and pursue theirs if you do not share yours and make memories. In that I was selfish and suffered consequences not victimized.
Had I concentrated on the family and did my best my opinion would be different then I would place more blame on selecting a mate.
Much of this information I danced around simply since my experience is does not create hope. We may have similar pasts but you have a better chance.
On the lighter side Achmed the Muj runs attacks a convoy and fails upon transfer to the promised land he meet George Washington and Thomas Jefferson who start punching and kicking him Asking why is this happening they explain The price of martyrdom is eternity with 70 virginians not 70 virgins. Guess you just do not hear well.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
