Nomopo's Thread

[Nomopo]

Hello GD!

I'm not sure, but thought I'd add that I was looking for someone else's last thread a week or two ago and it had "disappeared" too.

Well, I hope it's not me or my subject matter.

It's a mystery (but it could be that your thread is just too hot and racey! )

Or not DB enough (never thought I'd say that!!).

When I dropped S7 off at MIL's, I visited only for a few minutes (left my car running in the driveway). MIL asked me if I had eaten or if I wanted to sit down and eat with them. I said I couldn't, that I had plans for dinner. She gave me a slightly surprised look.

Probably thinking, "Wow, he must really be moving on now. Is he really at the point where he is okay with turning down opportunities to spend time with W?" Or "Hmmmm, is he now back on the market and dating/seeing someone?" What do you think the surprised look hinted at?

Not sure. She's a little weird. Probably wondering what plans I had after 7:15 pm on a Sunday night. Truth is, I went to my new friend's house for pizza and to watch Borat. Couldn't really say that.

For me, realizing that W would rather be miserable with BF, broke, struggling, etc, than with me says a lot about how she felt in our M at the time of the separation. Painful is an understatement.

Good point.

I think my W would rather live this way than admit that she'd made a mistake to not work harder on fixing the M. Even if she wanted to come back, she won't do it.

I'm afraid my W may be this way too. I doubt she'd ever say, ok, I want to see if this works, so I will swallow my pride.

Again, it's like you're taking a page out of my own story when saying this, except my inlaws and I have a better R than W and them do.

That may be true for me too. CIL and I are definitely closer. And I am as close or closer to her two brothers (definitely closer to the younger one). Neither of us are close to her mom. My W may very well end up all alone, close to nobody. It's a real possibility.

We are sharing a hotel room (W and D4 in one bed, me and S7 in the other).

That should prove to be an interesting situation, no?

I hope it goes well.

Hi OT! Thanks for keeping up with me.

I wondered why you weren't posting

Haven't had much energy to post anyway. Taking a break from my tired old sitch. Also have been really busy the past 6 weeks partying, and that has worn me out. Have decided to take a break for a few weeks, and dry out. Need to lose some of this weight I put back on.

Anyway, it is a tough road to follow, not being too available, not pursuing, yet not closing the door on your M. It sounds like you may be pushing W away.

Has she been initiating invites all along? If so, nevermind.

No, not many invites. The occasional one, but this weekend surprised me.

If not, notice that you turned her down twice in a row. Did you give her anything other than "no, I have plans"? I'm not suggesting that you should have changed your plans, but maybe: "that would have been nice, give me some warning next time so I can clear my schedule."

This is a great suggestion. Thanks. On Sunday night dinner, I just said I had plans. On Saturday, I said I had plans and added that (among other things) I was playing tennis. I think I will have plenty of opportunity to be friendly this coming weekend.

Keep in mind that it might be very hard for W to muster the courage if she is trying to reach toward you.

OTOH, don't let expectations go to your head. Many times, a WAS simply wants to be friends and has the space to do so once you let go. So, don't read too much into it.

I understand the courage point, and also the caveat. My best guess is that she is just being friendly. I don't think she is reaching towards me. But I appreciate all your advice.

Later,
Nomo