Is it wrong that I'm totally ready to separate NOW? That on some level I look forward to it, even though I'm the one who wants to save the M?
I need space! I don't know if that will draw her back to me or not but man do I need it. W came home from her weekend of camping. She actually called me on friday as she was driving up there, I didn't hear it and she left a VM saying she was just calling to say hi. She hasn't called to just say hi in months. Maybe something in our talk sank in? Who knows. But of course when she got home last night it was more of the same. Some nights I can engage her in conversation, some nights she just doesn't seem to even notice I'm there. We chatted briefly about my weekend, I wanted to hear about her camping trip but I didn't ask much as I didn't want to come off as needy or insecure. Granted I know I'm not and I really just want us to share our lives with each other, but I'm not going to beg her to do that. Best I can do is share my life with her and see if that compels her to do the same. So I have no idea who she camped with or what she did. Not too concerned about it either, other than the 'I love her and want to take an interest in her life' aspect of it.
I still find myself struggling through this sitch. I'm pretty sure if I told W I'm giving up, can't do it anymore, that would be it. I don't think she'd fight back. I think my not giving up is the only thing holding us together at this point and without that she'd see no reason to continue on. Yet I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I know exactly what she wants from me. She wants me to be more open with her, she wants me to share my life with her, she wants to know that she's important to me and I care about her, she wants me to listen without trying to solve her problems. Biggest thing of all she told me a while back was that she saw has passionate I got about certain hobbies like motorcycles and she wished I had that passion for her.
I'm ready to give her all that. The problem is she doesn't want it now. She won't let me. I've mentioned this to her before, that I'm trying to give and be who she needs and I can't do it if she won't let me. She just nodded her head and said 'I know'. What do I do? How can I show her I can listen and support her when she won't talk to me half the time? How do I show her I'm passionate about her without seeming needy or when she seems uninterested in me most of the time? Do I just wait until she decides she's ready to let me do these things for her? Seems like that won't work. Do I need to skip the DB advice and pursue her more? I have no idea.
