Out of the Abyss...

[ediemarie]

"Is your husband saying that he has the strength to exercise self-control while working with OW?"
He hasn't come out and said those words. Contrarily he has said that he can't work there and continue to be married. He knows that it's either his job or his marriage. He has said that he doesn't think that he can work there with her. He says that it would be too difficult for him and that it would be too difficult for me. Additionally, H has always said that he just fell into this R with OW. It was never anything that he planned or chose to do. That being said, I don't have faith in him not choosing to "fall" into an R again.

I have thought of other "solutions". For one, I told my H that if he wanted to continue working there then he should bring me around to his school. I haven't met any of his co-workers, ever. I never thought that was an issue before, but now I see how important it really is. His coworkers will throw parties from time to time which H never goes to. I told him that maybe if we went to those together and I met everyone he worked with and hung out with on a daily basis I would feel better about him working there. I also told him that if he wore his wedding band that would help. Or if he went out to drinks with people after work, if he included me in that, that might help. A few weeks ago H asked me to pick him up from work - which I did. Only he asked me to park in the parking lot next door to the school so as to avoid any confrontation with anyone - basically he was hiding me - nice. There is a mall close to our home that we used to go to all the time, but don't anymore because OW sometimes goes there. I have explained to H that OW needs to see us together and know that we are trying to work out our R. H doesn't want to deal with any uncomfortable "scenarios" and to me, it just all smacks of him continuing an R with OW. I don't know for sure, it's just how it feels.

I honestly don't know how to bring this up with him without attacking him as my emotions run deep on this topic. He knows how I feel about it, he knows he is hurting me by continuing to work there, he knows that I feel we can't move on without him quitting or taking some sort of action, he knows that I don't plan on staying in this M if he doesn't do something to change what is happening now. So, I don't want to harp on it, I don't want to nag him, I don't want to beg him. Instead, I stay silent about the topic. I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do either...ugh...