Sorry, I missed the question....you want to know how to solve this and not be like my parents.
One word.....Retrouvaille. They will teach you and her. (OK you already know), but they will do the talking, not you. And they will be talking about themselves, not you. You will sit there and take it in, and she will hear for the first time, that you are entitled to your feelings. And then they will teach both of you how to communicate by listening with your heart, and respecting the other person's point of view. And in only 2 days they can change her. You will change too. The whole dynamic of your relationship will change. And then you will be ready to begin talking about the issues in your lives that are difficult. Look for a weekend near you at http://www.helpourmarriage.com.
The other good thing is that even the worst children eventually grow up, and you can stop arguing about how to raise them.
