ILY's & ML...no fights..this is a strange S! Help!

[Gingersnap]

WHOA.....unexpected turn of events. Got another call from H a few minutes ago. He brought up R for the first time! Not one word has been uttered about *us* since before he left. And *boom* there he goes with no warning. Asking about the kids and whether they notice him gone. I said D does more than S. More do I miss him? I finally decided to be honest. I allowed enough hesitation to get him to say "you're finding you're better off on your own, huh?". I softened my voice and told him not at all. But that my answer was yes and no. I miss the man I married and felt connected to. But I don't miss the angry, withdrawn man I lived with over the past year. Silence on his end. I continued with "But I'm sure it's true for you as well...there are things you miss about me and things you don't." He agreed. We talked about us and we both agree on what we really like about us when we're *on*. And touched on what we dislike. He didn't like the accusations and me trying to get a confession of an affair out of him. I told him that I gave up that behavior before he left, reminded him that I vowed to not live that way (snooping, questions, etc) and will not. And I also reminded him that since he's been gone I've not called him once (to which he asks "don't you want to talk to me?") or tried to pry in his life. Finally, I said that even though there may not be an A, the behavior is as much as a problem as if there were one. He said "We'll talk on Thursday" - his only day off.

FEAR. I'm scared to death of talking on Thursday. Thursday is just a few days away. Thursday is WAY too soon unless a bolt of lightening strikes his butt before then. But it's just a talk, right? I'm not going to get the ball rolling. Maybe he'll forget? He's the conflict avoider, and look at me.

Am I the WAS or the LBS? Forgetting my role...