Hi, I find the saga of your XH and the rat enthralling! It gives me someting to aspire to. Whenever I think my h is appalling I come over here. Your Xh could MLC masterclasses, and there is stiff competition, as you know.
I think writing about it puts into a sort of perspective - we see it for teh pitiful behaviour that it really is, and so it loses much of its power to hurt. Then it hardly hurts at all, and finally, not at all [I am not quite there yet].
I agree that your XH seem obsessed with you. Apparently my h's OW is obsessed with me, and I never even give her head space any more. I do feel sorry for her son, because I think she and my h are really messing him up with their on-off relationship, and appalling example. Perhaps he willgrow up resolving NEVER to be like that.
I totally agree. I love the won't give her "head space" comment. That is where I am at (today..lol) Somedays are harder than others but today is a good day..
I know many of these OW are obsessed with LBS. It think it is due to the fact that when these OW met our H's they were not mentally right. All these OW know are the MLC WAS. Now, when the WAS starts to come out of the "tunnel" so to speak, the OW start to panic..Oh no..
They now we had the "normal" H's. We had the H's when we were starting off as newlyweds, starting families, starting homes, etc. We have the HEALTHY MEMORIES..these OP don't.,
I am a threat because I have moved on. I am a threat because I am the stable one and she knows it.
I feel bad for her son, too. I hear horror stories about the OW's ex from my kids..It is all so pathetic and sad for the kids.
THe on again/ off again stuff is so hard on the kids. These children have been through their parents divorce and now this crap. That is what I addressed in T the other day. I said these kids have been through ENOUGH and I told XH if you are going to willingly put these kids through the fighting and the drama, I am going to stop it. Period.
He knew I was right.
Well, off to the gym..
Thanks for the posts, Angelica..You are always so grounded when you come here with your thoughts and I love reading your replies..
Xh called this a.m. and wanted to take S for the day. Not his weekend but, whatever, I am fine and flexible.
I went outside and asked XH how his night went last night. He went to see Joel Osteen last night with OW. Thought it was funny he went to see a motivational/religious speaker with her. I thought they might get struck by lightening participating or something..lol
He was friendly. I made it short. I was being nice as I had my coffee buzz..lol
We have another T appt on Tuesday. So weird..even when we were married we didn't have T appts this regularly..so weird.
Had a great weekend. Pumpkin picking, hayrides with the girls (New guys D and my D10) My son hung out with friends and had a great day yesterday. He is at that age..13..when they hang out all day and just laugh and do silly things..oh to be a 13 year old again..(maybe I should ask my XH how it feels..duh..lol)
New Guy has been great. Went to my mom's bday party today..New Guy brought his video camera and took lots of pictures, too.
Just keeping everyone up to date and the journaling is therapeutic for me..
Met with XH for our second counseling session. This session was different. I went in with the attitude like nothing was going to break me and thought I would do it, but of course, I couldn't..lol
I ended up talking, crying, validating, arguing, the works. But, in the end, it was good.
Today is the very first time I saw in my XH the pain he has caused the kids. When he was talking about our S and D, he started to tear up. I managed not to look at him most of the first half of the session but when this happened, I watched him, his body language and his eyes.
He said that eventually the kids will not want to be with him when they get older. Meaning, he is a weekend Dad and he realizes that his time in minimal with the kids as they will becomer more and more interested in their friends. He spoke on how taking trips with the kids means so much to him as they are making memories, etc. I did notice that he talks alot about being a kid, his dad, his memories. Strange for me as he had a pretty crappy childhood. I guess that's why he holds near and dear to his heart the good times with his dad and the trips they had taken. (his dad was a pilot)
He validate me on how I feel about OW. I told him I felt "naked" when the two of them were together. Not literally, but I said I felt overexposed as he met her during a very bad time in our M. Thus, she new many raw details about our life, M and me in general. I looked him in the eye and said, "she has my life"
I tried really hard not to get emotional and bring up OW. But I didn't see how we could get past the hurt in order to better the now, you know what I mean? I can't pretend that we have this peachy coparenting relationship..BTW, just saying "coparenting" urks me..Stupid word..
Anway, Xh said he understood how I felt about OW. He understood how I would doubt him..whatever.
Now, if you read all my previous posts you are probably going, "woaa, mama, this guy is nuts"..and you are right..he still is nuts but I think today he figured out how much he needs to work on himself. In fact, it was the SECOND therapy session he had this week.
Yesterday he went with OW..(I know..what an ass)
I told him he was either the luckiest guy or the stupidest guy in the world to be going to two counseling session in 24 hours with XW and girlfriend..lol
As for me, well, I cried all the way home. I was behind him driving as he was going back to work. I drove alittle out of my way to follow him and take another route to a main highway..maybe a mile out of my way. I wanted to just drive and think and go down memory lane a bit. We were so close to his shop and I spent so much time in that town so I was enjoying the ride..XH ended up texting me "where are you going"..I simply text him back..home.
Don't know if he was scared I was following him or asking me what I was doing the rest of the day..I passed him at a yield and he put his windown down..I just yelled to him I liked driving that route and he smiled..I said to him have a good day and waved..He smiled..
So, how do i feel?
tired.. wired relieved confused happy sad
How is that for hypocritical?
I decided that I am still not over him but that is normal, I guess. I admit it did urk me that he is seeing counseling with Ow but in the end, I guess it is good. I cannot look at it like Ow is getting the better XH because she isn't. She is getting the defeated one who lost everything. For them to go to counseling is just two victims licking old wounds and not taking repsonsibility as far as I am concerned.
I did tell XH don't fault me if I don't jump up in the air and yell hurray to find you are going to counseling..(I couldn't get him to go if I lit his ass on fire three years ago)
I saw old XH today...But I know seeing him is like seeing a friend from a long time ago. It won't be too ofen that Old XH is around and I need to remember that. He is a different man who has done a lot of damage. And, no, I am not going to get sucked in again.
I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is trying to do better by his kids and call it a day.
I am still extra vigilant and very happy we are divorced. He is his own hobby I have realized..He just keeps talking and talking about himself..THat's what he did the bulk of the therapy session..It was the XH show for sure..
Now, as for New Guy..Well, let's just say he gets the saint award for not acting jealous and giving me my space. And, to top it off, I went on TWO EMAILS accounts and last night he emailed me "I love you BIG TIME!"
Now, it takes a man to do that and still not get perturbed I am spending time in counseling with XH. And, no questions are asked really..just "how did it go" and "I am here for you".
I am a lucky girl and I know it.
Moreso, despite New Guy, I am lucky to have gone through all this stuff and still come out ahead..emotionally, spiritually, intellectually..
Well, time to call it a day...
Unfortunatelyl, my D has strep and I think I do, too. Have to teach and talk for three hours tomomrrow so I need to chill out..
You did exceptionally well in counseling session. It's good that hearing just what he's done and how it has affected the children. He's got to find a way to repair some of the damage he's created.
Now, I know he's nuts when he goes twice w/two different women.
Please take care of yourself and your little one. I hope you both are feeling better tomorrow.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I cannot thank you enough for your posts..Wow..they really made me smile..
However, I am having a very bad night..
After my post I decided to do some computer work..I am thinking of refinancing as my XH has a buyout from the house due in a year..I am researching my options as I am a planner..
Anyway, I decided to do a credit check. You know, those free reports with Experian, etc.
I go on my report and was happy to see it in pretty good shape. Then, I go on my personal history as part of the credit check. I see a new address listed for me..(unknown address)
I start to panic..Identity theft..my worst nightmare..someone is screwing around and using my name, etc. Then I look more closely at the town and think wow, that is really close to my XH.
Then I GET SO PISSED I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPTIAL TO GET MY BLOOD PRESSURE CHECKED..
I found the OW's address listed under MY CREDIT REPORT.
Yup, she must have filled out some type of financial document and put MY NAME ON IT.
I am so done..
I knew she was a bitch but I never knew it would go this far.
I called my friend who is a police officer and asked for advice.
Tomorrow I am filing a report. I am going to the town the p.o. box is listed and showing i.d. and filing with them and then I am going to my L.
She is going to get her ass thrown in jail for this.
Do I find satisfaction in this? No I don't. It is scary to think she really, really wants to be me. In fact, I told my XH this EXACT SAME THING TODAY in counseling..I said she has my life!
Little did I know it may be literally!!
Okay..I am pretty good right now. I am intellectualizing this sh** but I am going to nail her to the wall.
I spoke to my XH about this very nicely today as I didn't really understand what was going on..He said to me he used that p.o. box for a little while and it was probably some type of credit card or something that did this. (all cards were cancelled in 2005 by my sweet XH so that is b.s) So, he was lying but I know he will throw her under the bus when this sh** comes to the surface. I know this has something to do with hiding money..I just know it..and I could tell my XH was panicked..So, I guess karma is coming around..
I am just trying to rack my brain as to why she did this? Are they hiding money? Is she forging checks addressed to me? What do you all think?
