There and Back, #10

[SallyM]

However, it just screams 'escaping responsibility' to me and childish behaviour

so you've met my husband?

[Gingersnap]

Morgan,

I know the whole sex thing is confusing...but you know - sometimes you just need that release. So if it happens remember YOU and how good it was and don't worry about whether your H is cakewalking. Because if it's truly for you it's not about him. Make it a selfish thing.

And if you are up for it...you are perfectly in the right to start playing some cat and mouse games with your H. If you can stomach being flirty and coy with texting him some sexy stuff then by all means do so. At minimum you're going to be giving OW a taste of that tightening in the stomach you've had to endure for the last 7 months...

[theotherhalf]

I think it would be a a bad idea to call the OW. Having said that....

OK, maybe I'm crazy... please tell me if you think I am...But I think he wants you to tell her.

If you think it is a bad idea to call...

I think he misses you, wants you back, and is afraid to make a choice. Just my opinion...

Then why not if he wants help making the choice to come home?...

[SallyM]

not sure I can stomach it, but part of me thinks it could be fun. kind of wind things up a bit.

I'm glad I posted about what happened today. I was so embarassed I didn't plan on it. but glad I did.

wish I had been a little more selfish about it today, btw. I gave way more than I should have. and wtf happened to him? he keeps saying I turn him on too much and things end way quicker than they ever used to. no, not so soon that I would say there is a problem, but sooner than I would like. sorry for tmi here, but its really annoying. I'm actually a bit unsatisfied. If I'm going to go that route, dammit, I think I should feel well sated.

[Gingersnap]

then girl why on EARTH did you stop? You should have been a mad woman riding him like crazy until he DID satisfy you...LOL. He certainly would not have expected it. And you know why you didn't? You were so focused on HIM. What is he thinking? Does this mean anything? Is he cakewalking? Isn't it pathetic when we can't even relax and enjoy sex without analyzing it? Next time - and there WILL be a next time - it's all about you, girl!

[LooseThread]

Hi Morgs.....I sooooo hear you about the sex thing.

You feel weak for what seems like capitulating (dammit...having trouble typing that word!) and feel like you can't even be physically near him for fear of the temptation (or more likely for me, sending out the wrong vibes that you want to shag him!).

You know after our last cousnelling appointment where we talked about setting up mediation etc, he says in the car on the way home. "So, can you ever see yourself just making a booty call to me?"

*sigh* I did try to answer it honestly. I think I said something like. I can't do booty calls, there is too much of an emotional connection and I wouldn't be doing it unless it was likely that we were working on getting back together. So I guess that answer would be no. No booty call. I would be using ahem - my own 'devices' (of which I have none....make mental note to get some!!!) to alleviate my frustration.

My h just doesn't seem to even try to put himself into my shoes. It's all about what he needs. He thinks he's being considerate, but from where I sit, it's just a thinly veiled attempt to disguise his own wants/needs at the expense of my emotional well-being. I am thinking less adn less of him as my husband and more and more of him as being a s3x mad bloke like most of the rest of them.

[LooseThread]

However, it just screams 'escaping responsibility' to me and childish behaviour

so you've met my husband?

Twins separated at birth I think....they are almost the same age too!

[theotherhalf]

morgan,

this sex issue is huge with me. My H and I have been seperated since April. Lots and lots of sex in the first couple months. Then none for a awile. Our A was AUG9 I spent the night with him. Lately we have been having sex 1-2 times a week. I initiate. He is willing. And it is good.

Problem is, I initiate. He doesnt'. I almost beg for the act to happen. He doesn't hesitate for me to come to his house, but if I didn't push the sex thing I actually think that more times than not he would go to sleep and nothing would happen. It's getting harder and harder for me.

I "need" to be wanted. I "need" to be desired. I "need" someone to seduce me. I don't think I can "do" this anymore. Friday night I was there and after 1 time he slept and I left.(been staying most of the night). I have told myself to stop. If he wants you let him ask. But it is hard for me to put up this boundary as I don't want to let go of this connection with H.

We'll see how it goes...

[SallyM]

gingersnap, hey, I wasn't the one who stopped! trust me, I did my best. lol.

casey, get thee thy own devices! they are wonderful! but not the real thing, no matter what anyone else tells you. which is why its so easy to give in to flesh and blood sometimes.

weak, weak woman that I am.

sigh.

I don't want to be some booty call. I really don't. which is why this is such a slippery slope, and makes me wonder if I am better off dating rather than going this route from time to time. my kingdom for a crystal ball.

[theotherhalf]

and things end way quicker than they ever used to.

In my sitch, it takes my H longer now. Don't know if that is a age/health issue, or if it's because he is getting plenty from both....a**hole!

try not to think the latter (but I do). Cuz it makes me sick!