So how do you regain your territory when they have lived in the house? The house is still 50/50 so legally speaking he has every right to be there, but I need my own space. He has his own place now. I intend to not waltz in to his place whenever I think I need to (which is never!) and I don’t even know his new address! Granted, however, I must point out that up until last week, he didn’t have a place of his own so this is a new arrangement now. He still has a lot of his stuff in the house from when he moved out of the last place (that ended badly – it wasn’t a relationship but he got sick of living in someone else’s space/house, and sick of her (she’s a work colleague of his) nagging him about who he was hanging around with and to make up his mind whether he wanted to be married or not (the story he told me). Man, that’s another thing I am burning to hear the other side of the story about. From T’s point of view, why did he leave? It makes sense to hear him tell it, but I’d love to know if T saw it that way at all.
So, because in the past he hasn’t really had his own place, I haven’t really felt comfortable in ‘kicking him out’ completely because I do need him to look after d occasionally and I don’t feel that it’s fair to make it difficult for him to see her.
I feel very tense and anxious when h is in the house. I don’t feel that I can tell him this and also tell him that I would rather he not be there. He wants to spend time with me and d. I want him to spend time with d. I don’t want to spend time with him at the moment for two reasons:
1. If things are going well, I don’t want to send the wrong message that I want to be physically intimate with him. I want to develop a platonic relationship with him. 2. If things are not going well, I don’t want to get into an argument, particularly if d is in the vicinity at the time.
I guess now is the start of a new arrangement. He now has a 1 bedroom apartment about 30mins drive away and signed a 6 month lease. He wants to get somewhere closer to his work which should also mean that he’ll end up closer to d and I. I am okay with this, however, I need to draw even clearer boundaries as to what sort of contact is okay after last Friday’s adventure where he came into the bathroom while I was relaxing in a bubble bath (to avoid him and take some time for myself) to brush his teeth. He saw that I was in the bath and took his toothbrush to the laundry and brushed his teeth there (I appreciate that he didn’t invade my space then). While he was in the laundry, d came in and wanted to give me a Santa beard with the bubbles so I let her (I was hoping to be on my own for a bit longer). He then came back in to put his toothbrush back and stood there and then asked if he could get in.
I was speechless and bumbled my way through (see previous post).
What arrangements have you guys made with h coming to the house when it used to be their home too?
