I think a lot of people stop posting once they get to piecing and so that makes the amount of healed M's not seem as many.
my h feels quite threatened by this site. it was only at the weekend that he admitted to me that he thought it was all about getting rid of your spouse and supporting one another - I can see that we are going to have to work on our communicayion skills. LOL
I think that came out of his guilty conscience. but I can imagine that once things start looking better one tends to spend time again with the spouse and the 'need ' for this place diminishes.
I came here with my M intact but o/standing issues which is probably why I have stayed. Also I have not been here that long compared to many and the memories I have of the really bad days are not associated with this place. here has brought me comfort and friends. it has made me laugh and cry both from despair and from happinness.
The good stories are so needed.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Cinders this is a great thread! I still haven't moved to piecing because I feel at home here...
My M is being restored...
12/06 on vacation H tells me he is not happy and he leaves the next day...NO CLUE AS TO WHAT HAPPENED!! I lived in shock but believed there was no OW.
1/07 You guessed it!!! OW!! young girl from work.
3/07 H filed and I was served
6/1/07 Pre-trial meeting at the courthouse. I left there FINALLY accepting that I was going to be D'd but My girls and I would be OK...I mean I REALLY had accepted it...no more faking!
6/5/07 H approaches me at D5's tball game and blurts out that he made a mistake and he wanted to try.
For those of you who followed me and gave me such sage advice you know he acted like a royal @ss for 6 months...he ruined me financially, lost jobs and put his children (14,11,5,1) on the back burner. I am a second wife and he was well on his way to ruining his second family.
I had been in IC for 6 months and my C told me if I didn't give it a try I would kick myself in the future. I told H we could try but he wasn't moving home until I felt it was right. We started MC and still go every other week.
H moved home end of 7/07 and I can honestly say our R is better than ever. It is not easy because I have been so hurt but forgiveness comes with time.
there is hope for all of us and no matter what happens, whether our M survives or not, we learn more about ourselves and make our lives better!! I wish none of us had to endure this stuff but it does make us stronger and helps us grow into better people. I can say I like the new me...I am more patient and I really LISTEN to what H says...no more taking him for granted!
Husband in MLC for about 5 years, unhappy with house, job, family etc....
April 2005: H files for divorce, but puts it on hold after I convince him to "try again" and I vow to make it the very best year of our marriage (I become the Stepford Wife!).
Dec 2005: H becomes friends with OW at work.
January 2006: H hiding cell phone and talking about how terrible our marriage is. I suspect OW, but have no proof. Without telling H, I hire a PI to try and learn the truth.
February 2008: H informs me he's filing for D (actually a refile!).
March 2006: Served with D papers and H moves out. I find out there is OW and decide I have nothing to lose... Confront her, let her husband know about the situation and make my husband absolutely furious!
June 2006: I'm detaching, GAL and starting on one of the best summers of my life in spite of the sadness about my marriage and missing my H. But in addition to all of this, I'm working on being friends with him in spite of the D. Even if only for the kids.
September 2006: Husband hints about getting back together (and buys me a new car too!). I discourage this and tell him I wouldn't want to unless he was completely certain he wanted to be back with me. The yoyoing was too hard on the kids.
October 2006: H confirms that he is absolutely certain he wants to stop the divorce and be with his family again. He calls his attorney to completely stop it. I put it on hold with my attorney. H moves back with us.
Today: Overall things are well. H really does seem like a different person (like he really did wake up!). More content with what he has. Seems to appreciate having a wife and family. Still have ups and downs, but we both seem to handle them better. And I'm not a Stepford Wife!!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
One thing that strikes me as a common feature in these stories is the fact that despite the threatened D, spitefulness and horrid behaviour of the H we all tried to stay friends. To be there and support when we could. Also that the MLC thing really was a "bomb" that goes off no warning and that the reconciliation is usually a shock request too. Good luck to everyone who is working so hard at their R.
My husband of 27 years started emailing his old girlfriend in April of 06. By the summer they were calling each other every day, and in September he met her when he traveled for business. In Novemeber he claimed to need a vacation "by himself" and went off to spend 4 days with her. That's when I became suspicious. We had a few confrontations and ugly exchanges and seemed headed for divorce. But a friend suggested that we go to a Retrouvaille weekend, so we did.
At the Retrouvaille weekend we reconciled. We learned how to communicate effectively and how to respect each others' feelings. We regained the feeling that we had for each other when we were married. We continued with the Post sessions and graduated from Retrouvaille in March 07. We have been happy together ever since. We have not had another argument since Retrouvaille. Weird.
bump !