I cannot be thankful enough for your helpful replies. After a sleepless night (although I asked him to sleep in another bedroom) it was very soothing to hear from you. You are right, I have to come to terms that I will need the courage to accept that I cannot change the past and things will never be the same again.I will also be away for a couple of days and inform him. To be around him is making me feel sick and I want to try to concentrate on what was good about our marriage.
After reading your messages I also reflected that something about my dependence on this marriage ended. I felt ready to GAL no matter what are going to be the results of what happened. Is that how it feels to be detached?
Since we both work many hours I always felt like we should spend our leisure time together and I keep wondering that if I didn't do it may be my resentment would be lighter as I would have other things in my life to turn to. I am confused on how we can love and hate someone at the same time.
I don't know if it's a coincidence but I spoke to my mom on the phone today and she told me she ran into one of my cousins yesterday with whom I am developing some business. He told her that he is learning from me about being fearless and pursuing goals. So after some refreshing moments at the swimming pool I have decided to write a journal and write my goals. I will make plans to pursue them, take advantage of my professional training and bring it to my personal life.
Today my H put some effort not to take me out or feel hurt by my numbness which I appreciated. However I do not know if he grasps the concept that I don't understand why he made a decision like that in September if we were struggling to put our marriage together again and something like that would even be harder to forgive if I had discovered by myself. Why do people make stupid decisions like that? I guess I know the answer but it is always hard to accept, right?
Right now I think that the best I can accomplish is to take your advice and focus my hopes towards thoughts that things will be different and better for us eventually.
