Funny that you posted that joke Agent99.. I was thinking almost the same thing last night!
I think you are obsessing over your H and revolving your life around him, and you'll continue to be a emotional up/down mess until you stop that. (having lived it myself).
Oldtimer asked me once how many times I had to jump in front of the bus and let myself get run over before I started taking care of myself. I think it's time to ask yourself the same question.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Shoot! H just called. The apartment complex told him it is two months rent. ($2400) He asked if there was any way around it since he was only on a 6 month lease (not a year) and she said no. H was at his destination and had to get off the phone, so he said we could talk about it later.
Crap. First an extra $2-3K for a car for DD. And now an extra $2400 in wasted rent. My nest egg is getting depleted for BS stuff that is NOT MY FAULT!!! THIS MAKES ME SO MAD! >:(
This does not help me make my decision. FART!!!!!!
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
You guys need better communication. You could solve a lot, if not all, your problems in one weekend at Retrouvaille. Check the website for dates and locations near you, http://www.helpourmarriage.com.
Stay put for now. You and he already have 2 places to live til January. There will still be plenty available next year if you need it.
Retrouvaille is not offered often in any location, but you might still be able to find a November weekend. Otherwise, it will be next year before the next ones.
I know that retrovaille would probably solve everything.
I suggested it once and he wasn't really interested. Never really said much either way and I was pretty much told by the peeps here to back off, lest he have too much pressure. (Which I agree.)
The lease house is having a showing (for sale) tonight and might be written up; who knows. The sellers showed it as a rental yesterday to two interested parties, and basically, if it goes as a rental, the winner will be whoever gets the application and deposits in first. *sigh*
We are still undecided what to do about the house at this second.
H heard me typing just now and asked who I was "talking" to. I tried to be evasive and finally just read Sara's post. He asked what retrouvaille meant. I just read bits and pieces off the website to him. He is re-stringing his guitar and being distracted right now. heh- he mixed up the two top strings.
Ooo...now he brought up the "nest" issue; I asked if we should leave things alone til january "Like sara said" and he said "Oh, is that he is talking about retrouvaille?"
Well, I better sign off for now.
I'll update later.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
oh NO- I don't see any dates in November; and he is open to talking about it Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
he just fell asleep in my lap. i found the november dates (thank god); but now i can't tell him about it.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
At one point during dinner he said something about us being friends and I said "um, no. You're my husband not my friend" and he said "Noooo...I am your friend" I conceded that of course he was my friend, BUT, he is my husband
no. he is NOT your friend. friends treat you better than he is treating you.
Quote:
On the way home he said "well, Lu(pet name for me), you're just gonna have to prove your stuff."
prove what??
[one potential reading is of course, "prove you have a backbone and kick him out"]
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
I think that he is loving me enough to support me in this, even though he would rather not have the added expense or have to move. He poked and prodded the house while we walked thru, trying to make sure it was good. He was glad I would have a good place to do my glass work. That makes me even sadder. I know he loves me!!!! WHY DO THIS?!!!!!?
one theory:
because you are letting him, and becuase in some ways, he follows your lead.
In some ways, he sounds like he is a follower. If you say you want to get a house, he'll "help" you. and if you want to stay where you are, maybe he'll "help" you too.
gah. my mind is seriously messed up from my own situation hence the late night posting. a distraction for me
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Well, so maybe this is serendipity. That he is interested in Retrouvaille and you found the November weekend. Sounds like a sign to me. And a better one than getting involved in a lease when you and he are not sure how many dwellings you need.
What does "friend" mean? I get that word kicked around a lot in our convos also? What the heck does that mean. Dom is right. A true friend does not act like that and spouses are on a different plane than "friends". Friends deserve a lot of respect but friends are also less judgemental than spouse IMHO.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
