He just called. MGF's woman friend is there. It's no longer boys night out. So, he invited me to go. and, yes, I am going.
He did say he wanted a woman who "loved" the night life.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
I got there and he was okay friendly, then as the night progressed he got more drunk and beligerent. By the end, he was being a real a'hole and I told him so, in no uncertain terms. Early on (before he turned into a royal A$$) he goes "heh, You were funny with your nest thing and "fluffing" it out; now I know why women are called "birds" in England." So I laugh and say "so, you liked my story" and he pauses and says (in a quasi-condescending way) "yeah. that was a good story"
He was totally drunk and continued to drink. I told him to slow down (separate cars and all) and he said he would ride home with me. 30 minutes later (and at least one more drink) he announces that he is going to drive back to his house. I say "oh hell no, you are not. You're too wasted." We go back and forth.
Long story short, he abruptly says "See ya" and starts walking to the parking lot. I ask him what he's doing and he says "going home. bye." and just hops in his truck and starts it up and leaves.
I was so pissed on the way home, I decided getting the other house was without any shadow of a doubt the best thing to do.
I get home and I receive the following text "I'm safe.Love you" Me "that's good because I love you too" H "Huggs and kisses"
WTF? 30 minutes before that, he couldn't get out of there fast enough.
He's flipping crazy. He can be so cold and such a jerk. Oh well, I am glad he let me know that he was okay.
He can suck me in so fast, it's not even funny.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
OMG I am starting to dislike him. he just sounds like a jekyl an d hyde guy and he does not give a sh$$ who knows that. BUT one thing I really do like about him is how transparent he is and I can totally see why you are attracted to that. I can also see why you are the love of his life. You are totally cool and smart and sexy and fun. It just basically sounds like cake eating. What person or animal would not want to sleep with another person scott free? Well, I would not but that is my issue. He also sound slike a bordeline swinger to me? Has he ever tried to propose threesomes or couple switching with you? he sounds like he has no sense of boundaries and that is dangerous. he is honest but cocky incomparison to my H who acts like he is moral but he then has a secret life underground. I much prefer your H to mine any day. Your H is honest, but a little sadistic.
Last edited by mkultra; 10/21/0705:28 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Argh! I am so unclear on what to do regarding this lease house.
You know the "joke" about the guy where the town is flooding? As he's on the front porch, someone drives by in a truck and offers him a lift out of town and he says "no-I have faith God will save me." The water rises and the guy is in a top floor window-someone in a boat floats by and offers to take him to safety. Again he said "no-I have faith that God will save me." The water continues to rise and now the guy is on the roof. A helicopter drops a ladder and tries to take him off the roof; the guy says "No.I have faith God will save me." The guy drowns. In heaven, he sees God and says "I had total faith that you would save me and now I am dead. Why didn't you save me??" And God says "What are you talking about? I tried to several times; I sent a truck, a boat and a helicopter!!"
How it the joke relates: So, I look at a ton of homes, and this was the only one that I could really see myself in. I think about leasing, but do not make any calls to pursue. The listing agent calls me. (Not all agents call for feedback.) I ask if they'll consider a lease, they were just talking about it. I set a figure in my head as acceptable($2100 w/$500 towards down) and that is what the seller suggested. The night I called to make sure it was still available, the seller had called her minutes before I did.
Is this "God" trying to "save" me (as in the joke above) or just coincidence?
This morning when I woke up, I felt overwhelmed with the idea of moving, ponying up the extra cost, etc. Seems much easier to stay put and just pack up some of his stuff. But maybe that's just because I want to keep the connection between us by being in the house. By sleeping in our marital bed; by knowing that he'll be by at some point. If I move, he will never HAVE to come by. I will get the bed that he just bought; it won't be *our* bed. I'll be set adrift.
And yet- the story/fantasy/vision does not have me here in THIS house. I can't envision a 'fresh start' here. We have a bad back and forth dynamic that needs to be broken. He runs hot and cold; he'll say we always end up where he is cold (so we should give up); I will say we always end up where he is hot (so we should try).
I don't feel like I would be standing on my own two feet if I remain in this house. But I am scared to move-afraid it's a mistake.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
If he is going to come back a'house' is not going to be the important factor YOU are. Maybe you would be better to move and start living as though he wasn't going to be a big feature in you life - that might shake him up. I know houses are homes and our emotions are wrapped up in them but they are not LIVES. If you move maybe you will start to move on - often it seems to be when that happens, (and I mean actually really do move on rather than say they are), that the S wants to come back.
Anticipating the future is scary but you can control your move this way - what will happen if you don't move and he doesn't come back ? will you end up being pushed rather than choosing when to jump? Will you only get to say "how high ?"
I know this is very hard and serious - I really feel for you. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
He also sound slike a bordeline swinger to me? Has he ever tried to propose threesomes or couple switching with you?
Thankfully he has never made such a suggestion. He is actually is not one to seriously "date" more than one person. He feels terrible trying to do that. (Note the "seriously date".)
Today we are supposed to shop to get DD a new (to her) car. Hers turns out to be a POS and is a danger to be on the road. It was NOT an expense I wanted to take on at this moment, but oh well.
I just called to ask if he found out about breaking his lease; he said he had been looking at the papers and didn't see anything; that he would try to reach the managers later to find out.
I think that he is loving me enough to support me in this, even though he would rather not have the added expense or have to move. He poked and prodded the house while we walked thru, trying to make sure it was good. He was glad I would have a good place to do my glass work. That makes me even sadder. I know he loves me!!!! WHY DO THIS?!!!!!?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
what will happen if you don't move and he doesn't come back ? will you end up being pushed rather than choosing when to jump? Will you only get to say "how high ?"
Excellent point. His lease is up in January. If I stay put, he could announce in January that *he* wants to come back home, so I need to find a place to move to. Yeah, I will be in perpetual limbo in the meantime because I will know that he is eventually returning; but I may have to leave.
Edited to add: Thank you Saffie! good points all around.
Last edited by Agent99; 10/21/0705:54 PM.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
